"Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying"

As much as I'd like to believe that I have all you glorious blogging friends o' mine holding your breathe for my next post, I'm glad that I realize how silly that is. For one, you'd all have kicked the bucket by now. :O For another, this oh so dark and shiny unmusical* blog just isn't that important. I mean, it's an important creative/communicative outlet for me, but in the scheme of things? It's one more thing I put pressure on myself over, and then avoid.

So, as part of an effort to stop stressing myself out over every single thing, I'm trying to be a little less neurotic about blogging/reading blogs. Being prescribed a low dose anxiety medication has made it quite evident to me that I put a lot of unnecessary stress on myself. ^_^

That being said, I'd like to make a few things clear. I like reading your blogs, and comments. They make me happy. But I want all of us to remember that if life gets in the way, that's a good thing! If we're too busy to read blogs, we shouldn't worry about offending someone. We're just busy living!

I realize all of this is for me (and my fellow worriers) and maybe not for you. So, feel free to giggle and roll your eyes at my neurosis ( I do), and skip on down to the fun little bit of listy goodness I ganked from Ari.

Outside my window…
A mass of fluffy white feathers that are hard to decipher into separate silkie chickens.

I am thinking…
That I need to finish sewing the camera cozy I'm making my mother-in-law, that sabbath is such a sweet bout of sanity in the midst of an always chaotic week, and I like Snow Leopard.

From the kitchen…
I hear bird seed bouncing across the linoleum, and smell hazelnut creme oil burning on the kitchen table.

I am wearing…
Less than I should be. Hey, I'm home sick on a Saturday. Don't judge me.

I am creating…
Water-colored ink drawings that I've deemed "water doodles" to sell on my Etsy shop, a green scarf that I've been "creating" for over half a year now, and a wealth of hand sewn goodies for people I love.

I am going…
To a friend's place tonight, if this cough doesn't completely destroy my voice. I hope Todd will come with me.

I am reading…
The last Twilight book. I should finish it tonight! I've been trying to take it easy. Todd gets a little lonely when I devour 700 page books in a day or two.

I am hearing…
A tall black man singing "My Jesus, I Love Thee" accompanied by piano, and thunder.

Around the house…
Grass, bugs, chickens, dogs and an occasional neighbor person.

One of my favorite things…
Clean pajamas fresh out of the dryer or puppy breath. It's a toss up. I like the combination.

A few plans for the rest of the week…
Complete some of my artsy/craftsy projects, spend time with Jessica and her munchkins, finish Twilight and Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Azkaban, enjoy Sunday with Todd and sift through a wealth of stuff to be set aside for our upcoming yard sale.

*I read one too many tweets concerning people's annoyance at blogs with music players. :(

That's It...

I've had all I'm going to take today. Despite the fact that I've now been prescribed, and am hopped up on, anxiety/antihistamine meds(who knew these two were related?!) I am ready to rip someone a new one. No joke. I've had all I'm going to take today.

Problem. I'm not very assertive. Expressing my anger usually brings about the same reaction as the following adorable puppy(thanks google images ^_^).

In college a friend of mine told me that I had the intimidation factor of a declawed kitten, and he was right. Sometimes I wish I could be mean. Though, I'd probably feel bad about it later.

So, back to my anger and disdain.

I long ago accepted the fact that my tonsils hate my guts, or at least my ears, nose and throat. So, tonsillitis hanging on for dear life? I can deal. Breaking out in little red stripes that itch a lot? Been there. Done that. For years. And now I have meds for it! Which seem to be helping. Whether it's an allergic reaction to my antibiotic/the world, or stress-these wee little white pills are just the thing.

What I can not accept today, little white pills or not, is a pushy person. Not today. Maybe tomorrow, but NOT today.

I'm at work, minding my own, when I get this call. This chick on the phone starts blathering on about how she needs some healthy marriage classes. I work for a non-profit family services agency. I'm used to calls like this, but before I can refer her to someone who may be able to help her she starts getting all belligerent. Seriously.

Apparently my name is on a website, along with a friend of mine, as offering healthy marriage counsel.

Whatchu say?! TIME OUT. Not so.

I tell this lady that it's a mistake. I politely (as always) inform her that I am not trained to, nor have I ever taught such a course.

Does she say, "Oh, okay. Thanx. Bye!"?

OF COURSE NOT. She proceeds to treat me like I'm a liar, and explains how much she needs this course.

Now, I feel bad for her and all, but oy vey! I am not a healthy marriage counselor, and I'm not lying! My tonsils hate me, despite uber huge horse pill antibiotics. My chest, neck and back look a little like I was attacked by a hoard of angry pixies in dire need of manicures, and I'm doped up. So, best be easin' up out my face 'fore som'n bad hap'n. A'ight?

I'm ready for bed now.

x_x

Lymphoid Masses From Hell

I'm quite sure that I've griped about my tonsils before. I have every reason to moan and groan about them. They are absolutely useless to me. Always have been. Never once have they saved me from a respiratory infection. Never once have they done anything other than get infected every single time they had the opportunity.

Why haven't I had them removed you ask? Well, my theory is that my mom and I moved so much that no one physician ever had the chance to see how much of a recurring problem I had. Why my mother didn't get proactive about this eludes me. She likes to see me suffer. That's not true, but I have. Oh, how I have suffered.

I'm suffering right now, as a matter of fact. In the scheme of things I know I'm not really burdened or anything, but my throat hurts. A lot. It seems like it's always hurt, and I am so very tired of it. I've chewed enough Aspergum to kill a man, had so many hiney shots I don't even flinch anymore and gagged on so many doctors...well, it just sucks. Will it ever end?!

Today, I got my answer. I sat patiently in the doctor's office this morning, awaiting the gagging swab, the burning shot in my bum, but it didn't go down like that at all. Instead, this doctor actually listened to me! He didn't even swab my throat. When he asked what the reason for my visit was, I told him I had exudative tonsillitis AGAIN. He looked at my throat, grimaced slightly, nodded and asked me a few more questions. After I finished explaining how I'd been getting tonsillitis just like this no less than twice a year(usually more like 5 times) since I was about 3 years old, he asked me why in the world my tonsils hadn't been removed.

I could have kissed him. I shrugged.

He requested yet another round of antibiotics, and the usual shot in the butt. He then told me that he has an ENT that he'd like to refer! An ENT! An expert that can gank those rotten, good for nothing tonsils right out of me. ^_^

I know recovering from a tonsillectomy is less than pleasant as a child, let alone as an adult, but I'm willing to deal. The thought of not being sick 5 times a year makes me absolutely giddy. Perhaps I'll lose some weight from not being able to eat too!

I am so excited at the prospect of surgery I could...pee.

Monday

I've been thinking a lot about this today. I think it'd be safe to say that approximately 75% of everyone I know has an aversion to Mondays. We cower and cringe at the thought of her. Sort of like this.

(any excuse to squeeze in some Klimt ^_^)

Now, the other 25% are the optimists on a quest to redeem or save Monday, to turn it into something else-something worth celebrating. Still, they know it doesn't like them...and it has a club.

My theory is that Monday is tired of being the day that everyone hates, or at least has to try not to hate. She's fed up with being Monday. Can't say's I blame her, but I don't enjoy the punishment.

So, what can we do? I propose that we give Monday a new name. Perhaps that's all she needs. A new start, a chance to recreate herself. Maybe then she'll not feel like reciprocating our distaste for waking up early to go to work anymore. Maybe she'll have pity on us.

What's your nomination? I already have one from MadamRaspberry. Her vote is for Princess Mon, which I think sounds Jamaican and I like it. What say you? Pick a name! This could save us all!

I Have A Confession To Make...

Well, I have a few confessions to make.

Confession 1: For those of you that don't know me very well, I have a tendency to avoid/ignore/hate most of what is wildly popular. Music. Books. Movies. If everyone is talking about it I am more likely to gag, roll my eyes and walk away than to take a liking to it. I'm not really certain why I'm this way, and I don't really think it's a problem. It's just how I am.

It's even come in handy a time or two. I had the same reaction when most of my high school friends were drinking and smoking pot. Gag. Eye roll. Thanks, but no thanks. Which is a good thing because a) I think those things are repulsive, b) I have a terribly addictive personality and c) my father is an alcoholic, and I'm not into the whole hereditary bad choices thing.

So, on with the confessions.

Confession 2: I've had "issues" with this whole Twilight thing. Every single time I've heard some chick swoon over Edward, or refer to herself as Bella...well, let's just say that I was less than enthusiastic. I hated everything I'd heard about it, and it sickened me that these frightening vampirey beasties weren't renowned for their hard core passions, heightened instincts or anything creepy/Byronic, but rather for their shimmery complexion and vegetarianism?! Not okay!

Confession 3: My sister forced the first book on me this last Christmas, and it's been sitting on my bookshelf ever since. Untouched. Except to be dusted.

Confession 4: On an incredibly sick day last week I decided to give it a try. I ended up reading the entire thing within 24 hours! I was completely blindsided by the quirky/flirty dialogue that just doesn't quit, and I couldn't put it down. Except to be sick with whatever food poisoning/virus was attempting to claim my life that day.

So, to my pleasant surprise the vampires weren't teen angsty, sparkly pansies after all! Some of them are nice round characters with such depth and...okay, angst. Not teen angst, though. Great, tormented, Byronic hero angst! My favorite!

Confession 5: I'm ashamed of myself for being nearly as obsessed as all those girls that made me want to smack them. All those Bella wannabes? That still makes me want to gag. No offense to anyone. I'm just an anti-giddy kind of girl. I like Bella as a character and all. Love her thought/dialogue. I just don't yearn to be her or anything. Which I think is a sign of good mental health.

Confession 6: I don't find this Robert Pattinson fellow a good fit for Edward. Maybe I'll feel differently if I break down and see the movies, but I don't know. Besides, he's all clean shaven for his vampire debut, and that's no fun. He's such an adorable fuzzy man. See?

There. I feel better now. So, I am currently reading the Twilight Series, the Harry Potter Series (again with the popular culture avoidance), along with my daily devotion.

My poor brain.

We're All Mad Here

I am completely aware of the fact that I've already posted about Tim Burton's upcoming twist on Alice In Wonderland, but now there's a trailer! Therefore, I'm just going to have to do it again. I saw the trailer, and...well...I'm stoked. I can NOT wait until March of 2010, but I suppose I must.

Have a look-see! Oh, I apologize for not being savvy enough to figure out why the right side of this trailer is chopped off. If it bugs you, just click on the video and watch it on Youtube.

Okay. Now...have a look-see.

Alright. You may now anticipate how awesome this will be.

I'm simply mad about it.

The Prestige

Alright folks. How the heck are ya?! I dropped off the planet (out of the state rather) for a while, but now I've returned and think it's time for a comeback.

Had a great time in Michigan and Indiana. We spent some much needed time away from work, with friends, family and at the beach. Any of you blessed enough to have already seen the documentation of such on Facebook, I hereby apologize for any photos of me in swimwear. I can assure you all pictures were taken against my will, and I am seeking retribution.

Where were we? Oh yes. I left you last with a shuffle of obviously unpopular music. :P You're all very sweet for commenting, even if you didn't know the music. I tend to listen to a pretty wide range of musical goodness. So, can't say's I blame you for not recognizing too much.

So, without further adieu, here are the song titles and artists that you all need to be familiarizing yourselves with.

1. You Know My Name by The Beatles

2. Who'll Stop The Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival

3. Her Majesty by The Beatles

4. Change by Muse

5. The Places We Lived by Backyard Tire Fire

6. The Blues by Switchfoot

7. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

8. Colonial Boy by Devin Townsend

9. Joseph Campbell by Warm In The Wake

10. Jack & The Water Buffalo by Head of Femur

11. Say "Hey" ( I love you) by Michael Frantee and Spearhead

12. My Dear Country by Norah Jones

13. What's This by Danny Elfman

14. Miracle Sun by Anthony Green

15. The Smell of Pajamas by Animal Collective

16. You're A Wolf by Sea Wolf

17. Polly by Nirvana

18. We Are Real by Silver Jews

19. By The Way by Red Hot Chili Peppers

20. Five Fleas by Rasputina

Bonus: Young Pilgrims by The Shins

Oh! None other than the lovely Ari will be receiving a bit of handmade goodness for getting the most right answers.

I like this giving away prizes thing. I'll have to come up with ways to do it more often. Maybe once I get more on MadShiny (my Etsy shop) I can give things away monthly!

Shuffle

My dear Ariana ganked this last week, and now it's my turn. Here's how it works.

Step 1: Put your iPod/MP3 player/whatever glorious musical device you've got on random.

Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.

Step 3: Let folks guess what song and artist the lines come from.

Step 4: Post the song info after they've had their chance.

Step 5: Give them some incentive.

Okay. I hereby state that googling or researching in any form or fashion is cheating, and will be met with swift and certain death. ^_^ Oh, and whoever guesses first/the most will get a prize. Some handmade goodness to cuddle or gift.

1. You know my name.

2. Long as I remember the rain been coming down.

3. Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl, but she doesn't have a lot to say.

4. I watched you change into a fly.

5. Cuttin' through the corn field, I've got my row picked out.

6. Is this the new year, or just another night?

7. Load up on guns. Bring your friends.

8. If you ever need a friend in me...

9. My new clay sculpture was taken home by an art vulture whose soul had been sold.

10. Oh...20 shades of green.

11. Hey. How's it going today?

12. Twas Halloween and the ghosts were out...

13. What's this?!

14. Where do you go when it gets dark, and is there room for me there?

15. Are you waiting for me at the end of the airport?

16. I'm walking down the southern stream...

17. Polly wants a cracker.

18. Up the hill past 694 at the stone wall make a left.

19. This is my time. This is my tale.

20. Five fleas band together against all odds to form a new company.

Bonus: A cold and wet November dawn, and there are no barking sparrows.

Okay bloggers, get to it! I've got a bit of handmade goodness to send the winner! ^_^

Oh, and I made a new owlie (not your bit of handmade goodness) with a 3-dimensional beak.
Not sure what I think of it. A little too Frosty the Snowman carrot nose-ish? What say you?

Through and Through

Upon rereading that last post, I think I should mention how much I thank God for protecting me through all those horrible things.

Sometimes thinking about all of it, or talking about it gets to be too much. I kind of overload and shut down. Then I remember three stories that put things into perspective, and remind me that I'm not alone and never have been.

I remember that God saved Noah through the flood, the three Hebrew children through the fiery furnace, and Daniel through the lion's den.

He didn't save them from these things. He saved them through them.

What's Bliss?

I heard someone say "Ignorance is bliss" this morning, and it's had me thinking.

Remember when you were little, and had practically nothing to worry about? It wasn't necessarily that everything was just peachy in your world. At least, it wasn't for me. Things were far from perfect, and maybe I just didn't know any better, but all that seemed to matter was that my Mom and my dog were going to live forever. At least that's what I thought. The rest of the world could fall to pieces around us, but life was good.

I can remember coming home (to whichever state we lived in at the time) to all kinds of chaos. I mean...screaming, punching, busting glass, death threats, you name it. I got off the bus, and walked right into it.

When I was 6 years old I knew to check for nails behind our car tires. My Mom's boyfriend was so evil, he would know before he even started the fight that he needed to make sure we couldn't call for help, or get very far if we did manage to leave. So when my Mom said the word, I was on a mission. Check behind the tires, and make it to a neighbors house to call 911.

Needless to say, it was bad. It didn't happen all the time, but it happened. I saw enough black eyes and broken bones before I was nine to last me a life time. And still, I had that faith that it was all going to be okay. Maybe it was self defense, or denial. I don't know. I just always knew that it would be okay. My Mom said so.

Eventually the jerk boyfriend left and stayed gone, and we were happy. I was fourteen by the time that happened, and had developed a plethora of issues...but we survived. It was just me, my mom and my dog, and life was good.

I was subjected to a lot of things growing up...things that no child should ever have to see or experience, and I don't think I was ignorant of them. I knew what was happening.

I knew when I was sexually abused that it was wrong. I blocked it out for years, but now that I remember-I remember knowing it was wrong. I was just too little to know what to do. I knew that when Tom abused my mother it was wrong. I knew that my Dad wasn't around because he was an alcoholic, and I thought that was wrong.

I wasn't ignorant, and I don't believe ignorance is bliss. I think hope is.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." -Stephen King

I Me Mine

Posting has become somewhat of an abstract concept to me as of late. I love to write. I love ANY form of communication. I love feedback. So, blogging is SO my thing. I just haven't had the time.

I know I've been saying that forever. I think maybe this oh, so dark and shiny musical blog o' mine may just exist to help me realize my time management issues. Maybe. I seriously have problems with jumping head first into 5 things at once, and deadlines? Yeah. College almost killed me because of my aversion to deadlines.

Anyhow...Ari posted a nice little meme a while back, and I thought I'd pass it along. It's a refreshing little exercise. You should do it too.


. . . I can't . . .
-remember the last thing I said to my Grandma before she died, and that really bothers me.
-manage time very well.
-understand prejudice.


. . . I can . . .
-create from now until doom's day, and still have more ideas.
-make just about any situation seem brighter.
-pop the bone in my nose, and it's really loud and gross.


. . . I won't . . .
-be treated like a cog.
-make another pbj sandwich as long as I live.
-let the past ruin my future.


. . . I will . . .
-be a children's book author/illustrator.
-one day have things for sale in my Etsy Shop.
-be happy.


. . . I shouldn't . . .
-worry sooo much.
-be late all the time.
-be so hard on myself.


. . . I should . . .
-stop telling everyone yes all the time.
-paint more for me.
-let God handle things more often.

Your turn.