Cousin Johnny!

Often times I battle the thought that my mother is completely insane. Very often, actually. Sometimes she surprises me with shocking clarity, but other times...not-so-much.

Not long ago she caught a glimpse of a magazine I'd bought. Seeing a photo of a scruffy Johnny Depp-the reason I bought said magazine-she chuckled a little as she told me that he looked just like my father. To which I absent-mindedly told her to bite her tongue.

Blasphemy! The most attractive man on the planet looks like my alcoholic father?! What say you?!

She still insisted. She laughed and went on about how Mr. Depp is prettier, but that as he gets older he really looks like my Dad. Blah Blah Blah...

So, I was thinking she's forgotten what this old Dad o' mine looks like. Even though I must admit that I haven't seen much of him during my 26 years. Our estranged relationship continues, but I still think I remember what he looks like. For goodness sakes-this is my father we're talking about here-you crazy old coot!

Well, today, I see this photo.


Shut my mouth. At his fuzziest, he really does look like my father! I'm not sure if I should puke or not. I mean, they say girls are attracted to men like their fathers and all, but come on! If I had a digital photo of my Dad, I would SO show you, and you too could see the weirdness. Next time I'm in Kentucky or he's down here, I'll get one.

That's another thing(going out on a limb here-completely not possible).^__^ What if I've been madly in love with my Cousin Johnny all these years?! Since 21 Jump Street and Cry Baby?! The history of my Dad's side of the family hasn't exactly been made clear to me. All I know is I'm from Kentucky/Indiana/Florida, I'm part Cherokee and from a figuratively gypsy family.

John Christopher Depp II was born not too far from where I was-in Kentucky. He's part Cherokee, much like myself. And I can't prove it, but I think his family belonged to the same group of gypsies that mine did!!

The evidence is undeniable, my friends. Fortunately the fates have kept us apart, as not to allow the incest that inevitably would have come from our crossing paths.

Wednesdayness

Wednesday-(noun)The fourth day of the week;following Tuesday.

In the past I've noticed Matt proclaiming Wednesday's gloriousness. I usually smile and go on my merry way, but today-this Wednesday-it's different.

Today seems a more worthy Wednesday than others. Maybe it's because the sun is finally peeking out from behind the thunder heads. Perhaps it's because lunch today consisted of the best cucumbers, carrots and black olives known to man. It is most likely due to the fact that I'm off Friday and Monday, and I'm so happy I could pee.

My husband and I will spend our Friday in Chattanooga, Tennessee. We will visit the Tennessee Aquarium(WHICH NOW HAS PENGUINS!!!) and the Mud Pie-my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant. It will be an altogether glorious day and I can't wait.

So, Wednesday is good because tomorrow will be good...and so on and so forth.

Rapture.

The Cuteness

The following is a taste of the cuteness that kept me sane today. All compliments of Cute Overload!:)

Felt like this when I got out of the shower this morning...


Lunch was a highlight. I gorged myself on salad.



And at about 2 this afternoon the prospects of going home made me want to jump for joy.



Seriously. Kept me sane.

On The Brighter Side...

I made this little guy yesterday, and I'm in love. Of course, like most things I create, he's a gift.

I'm okay with this, though. It keeps me making stuff.

I've already given him away and nothing was said, but I forgot to sew on his little red felt owl wings! Would you have noticed if I hadn't told you?

R.I.P. Nasty Bug From Hell

This morning a coworker and I teamed up on the biggest freaking bug I've ever seen in my life. It appeared to be a cockroach, but it was so big! I think it might have been a palmetto bug. ICK!

We were talking when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadowy figure move along the ceiling. Seriously huge, folks. He was easily four inches long, and appeared ready to take flight at any moment!

So, I'm thinking, "I remember the bug dude coming and spraying the office this month. Why is this behemoth still kickin'?! I can't kill it. It's looking at me!"

Now, I have a lot of respect for life. A little much maybe. I go on rescue missions to save bugs pretty often. It's a big joke among many of my friends. I can't bring myself to kill much of anything. However, if it's encroaching upon my personal space, I've got the short skirt and pom poms out if you're willing to be the assassin. Something that large has no business in doors. He should be thriving in the rain forest somewhere.

Anyhow. Said coworker is my hero. R.I.P. nasty bug from hell.

Comfortable With Puppies

My boss brought her 6 week old baby in to work today. He's very tiny and-thanks to his mom-very color coordinated. Despite looking very much like a cranky little old man, he's actually pretty darn cute. As much as I hate to use the term, he was precious.

I'm usually pretty wary of munchkins when they're that small, and don't like to touch them unless I have to. As usual, this kid was very cranky, but also very small and warm. He made tons of adorable faces and cracked me up. He kind of wriggled and grunted like a puppy.

I'm more comfortable with puppies, but I guess I have a lot more experience with them. After all, this kid is only the second one I've ever held unsupervised. I paraded him up and down the hall to keep him from making any nasty faces at me, and offered him up to his mother as soon as she emerged from her office.

I'm twenty-six and have yet to have baby fever. Now, admit to me if any of you gasped just then. I'd like to know. All but one of my friends have either had children or want them. I just don't see it happening.

I've gone through the "what's wrong with me/I'm just too selfish" phase, and heard the whole "it's your purpose in life" spiel from a couple girlfriends. I still managed to come out feeling alright with my position on the subject. Who says everyone has to pop out a kid by thirty, or at all for that matter?

Don't get me wrong. I love kids. I teach them at church and they're pretty much magnetized to me wherever I go. I just really like the sending them home part. I like to make my impact and send 'em packing. I also enjoy not having carried them around in my uterus forever and a day, until I had stretch marks, and expelled them through something roughly the size of a lemon.

Don't even get me started on Todd. I do have to admit that he'd be a good dad. He's not ready though. If he runs into a well behaved, ridiculously adorable child he gets all, "don't you want one" on me. All I have to do is subject him to the munchkin for about an hour and a half and he changes his mind completely. So, no pressure there.

We do have pressure to pay off our house and bills so we can DO something with our hard earned money. We have so many things we want to do, places we want to go, and we haven't even started! Not to mention that this old world of ours isn't exactly getting any spiffier. So, I figure if we haven't had any tricycle motors by the age of thirty, we'll really talk about it. Maybe adoption. Who knows?

Until then, I'll continue enjoying the little snot monsters my friends kick out. I'll paint them, play with them, and avoid bathing or changing them. When they're old enough, I'll be the crazy adopted aunt that lets them do all kinds of cool stuff their parents won't. We'll finger paint and play hide and go seek in the dark. We'll stay up too late and wake up cranky. Then I'll send them home. ^__^

Crafty & Disturbed

So...craftiness gets the best of me sometimes. I get the overwhelming urge to make quirky, adorable things. Current addiction? Little felt owls, like the one pictured above. He's my favorite! You can't see his wings very well, but they're accordingly tiny and adorable. This one was part of a gift for Ari's birthday, because she loves owls too. I know. I'm a girl, right?

OK. Wait just a second there. Just tapped into something. I think I'm going to rant. Yes, I am. Definitely.

I'm a girl?! Why did I even say that?! Of course I am! Terms and phrases like "you throw like a girl" and "pretty good for a girl" have always griped me. Given, you don't hear those much after the age of 13, but they still bug me. It's demeaning. I hate it, and I just used the word "girl" to excuse something I thought might be construed as silly, useless or weak! Oh my. This just keeps getting worse.

I know I am a strong person. Just talking physically at the moment. Girl or no girl. I used to-and will soon again-if my back allows it-run 4 miles and swim 700 yards at the gym 3-4 times a week. I can push an F-150 up a slight hill-IF you take it out of gear for me(Todd). I can beat some men-of the non weight lifting variety-at arm wrestling! I can shovel mulch and load a trailer full of fire wood, and it still makes me feel weak if someone utters those words. For a girl. *Humph*

I'm going to have to blame this one on my father. I've mentioned his alcoholism and absence before, I'm sure. I was able to spend a little bit of time with him as a child. Though, it was always while he was working. Clearing woods or welding, I was right there with him. I spent most of my time sticking out like a sore thumb, and feeling very much like a weak, useless girl. It was like I was no good to him (in my mind) unless I could do something helpful. I don't suppose it was really his fault. He did have to work and was trying to spend time with me. He was just never very good at it. He had NO idea what to do with this little curly headed girl staring up at him all the time. I usually found myself attempting to help/getting in the way. Maybe it was to gain some kind of approval?

All I know is pretty soon I had been assigned the very important positions of transporting small sticks and twigs out of the way, and getting drinks from the cooler. A job to keep me busy and away from machinery. It was an easy way to keep me from getting hurt ALL THE TIME. (I bet I either burnt myself on an engine, or got stung by a sweat bee at least every other day.) However minuscule the task, I felt instant gratification.

Lately I've felt that uselessness again. I suppose it's mostly due to this degenerative disc disease. Again, thanks Dad! I've always been very active and now if I accidentally lift too much, I bulge a disc. Then I have to spend a week and a half going to the chiropractor everyday in an attempt to avoid surgery, or spinal injections. It's why I haven't been to the gym in months, and I guess it's why I feel defensive about doing specifically girly things.

I've been brain washed to believe that girls are tiny and breakable. Silently, I've fought to deny it my entire life. I fought to prove that it wasn't so. I made myself useful, because I thought just being a girl meant I was helpless, and I hated that feeling. I thought I'd gotten past that.

Even though I know how strong I am, my back makes me feel broken. In a way I guess I fear that the things I do that are primarily female tasks will make me weak and inadequate, and those are the things that I tend to do when I'm experiencing back pain. Hmm...I had no idea.

Flying What?!

Alright folks, have you ever heard of a flying rod? A friend of mine sent me this cryptozoology link the other day, where I skeptically read a plethora of theories about strange unidentified and extinct critters.

Some people are so ridiculously unintelligent and conniving it's hard to tell what's true anymore, right? So-thinking this stuff is fairly interesting-I do some research on the subject. After a few articles and videos, I decided that wikipedia summed it up best here, and Dr. Who-the dude from the video-yes, that's his name-is probably right.

So, some Escamilla dude threw a big fit over what people had just assumed were some sort of camera glitches. Now there are all sorts of articles about them being aliens and crap. C'mon people.

Why isn't it possible that these are just bugs-neat see through ones-maybe just regular ones-caught on camera? You can see the little buggers on a video...so they're there. Why do all the nut jobs have to come up with theories about creatures from another realm or planet?

Fast bug vs. regular bug. Interesting to an extent. Not an invasion.

Inspiration

I was inspired today over at Surviving Myself. Now I'm also addicted to creating my own ecards here. This is my favorite!



Perhaps I shouldn't be allowed to create so freely.

Climb Up Onto Your Great Misunderstandings...Now Jump

On a number of occasions, I've been informed that certain intelligent people, that I deeply respect, were disappointed with my station on the condition of the planet. Yet, we hadn't really even talked about the subject. It was driving me daffy, trying to understand what part of my little green opinion was upsetting to them.

I came to the conclusion that my faith in God was causing the misunderstanding and unrest. I seriously think that because I'm a christian people assume that I don't care about our planet. Not so. I don't understand this. I care and I think God cares too. I wonder who these folks have been talking to, and how, whoever they are, can claim to be christian and not have pity on our planet?

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding and I just got caught in the middle. I'm not sure, but for good measure this is my attempt to set an apparently wonky record straight...about myself and what I believe. I can't speak for others and I wish others wouldn't speak for me.

1. I believe that saying you're a christian can mean a lot of things these days. We should all ask what someone believes before assuming anything.

2. I believe we're all children of the same God.

3. I believe everything, including melting icecaps, has been going down hill since the fall of man, when sin entered this previously perfect world.

4. I DO NOT think the world is going to be destroyed by a flood, because God said it wouldn't.

5. I believe that if the planet is going to be destroyed by excessive heat, it will be AFTER Jesus comes back to get those of us who want to be with Him, not one second before. I believe that's called hell fire.

6. I believe, hope and pray that I'm leaving here one day with as many others as possible, BUT I also believe God told us to take care of the animals and the world and each other while we're here.

7. I believe we need to make every effort to clean up and stop destroying the ONE planet that we've been given to share.

8. I DO believe we CAN make this a better place, by loving and taking care of one another and the planet.

9. I believe if we don't make an effort to make things better-they will definitely get much worse-due to our horribly destructive nature.

Don't you hate when people don't ask and just assume?!

Okay. I feel better now. *sigh*

Good Afternoon, Good Evening & Good Night

WARNING- This is not an actual blog. Brace yourself. It's a quickie. ^__^

It is absolutely gorgeous outside and I have paycheck in hand. I'm off for a glorious evening, and wishing you a good afternoon, evening and night.

D-day

I have a completely legitimate excuse for neglecting my blog. Really.

"Tell us! Tell us!" the loyal subjects proclaim.

Alright. Monday morning I somehow managed to bulge a disc in my neck. This caused excruciating pain and a much needed sequence of chiropractor visits. For the next two days, I was stuck at home(watching the crime channel^__^). Something I'm more than willing to do in order to avoid spinal injections. (ICK!)

I know what you're thinking. Something about a hand basket and a very warm place, right? Well, sometimes I think so too. I keep on trucking, though.

I'm apparently pretty much realigned at this point, and can manage to hold my head up. Ice pack and hydrocodone in hand, I'm back.

You can all relax now. The degenerative disc disease(a.k.a. DDD), which I've griped about here previously, hasn't done me in yet.

Again. Thanks Dad!

Serotonin, Here I Come!

I'm gonna go out on a fairly sturdy limb here in assuming that if you are currently reading these words, then you most likely read the earlier post concerning the poop fest of a day I've been having.

In quiet desperation I went in search of blog upliftment(I'm not sure that's even a word. I might be on a roll here. I've now coined the terms "poop fest" and "upliftment"). I meandered over to Lauren's shenanigans and whatnot. She always cracks me up, or makes me think about how much I hate my hair. Anyhow, I don't know the chick, but I like her blog. She got this thing from Meg, whom I think is just wonderful. Meg got it from someone else, and NOW IT'S MINE!!!! MINE you hear?!

YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Hobo Cherokee...Nice: I am a quarter Cherokee Indian, and could very easily become a bum.

YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name):
H Leg...hmmmm

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Green Otter


YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born):
Rose Lawrenceburg...how lovely.


YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)Leghe...I guess it's the Norwegian that makes anything to do with my name sound phlegmy.

SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Purple Smoothie...watch out now..I got THIS!

NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Jerry Cliff ^__^ I miss these guys.

STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Happy Twizzlers

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Marie Arthur

TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
King Kaanapali Hi(great city, right?)

SPY NAME/BOND GIRL: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Fall Tigerlily

CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Kiwi Dressy

HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Corkscrew Willow..I didn't eat breakfast.

YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Painting Sunshine Tour...finally something I can work with. ^__^


Lauren, Meg...sincere thanks for some much needed nonsense.

I am now going to the lake to absorb some sunshine and create some serotonin. Have a good weekend everyone! xx

UGH

It's turning out to be a rough day. I want to go home and forget all about this part of my life. I'm tired of feeling stretched to the limit.

My position here is actually about three positions. It should be filled by a few people, not just little old me.

I love my job. I do. It's just really frustrating when all you can do feels like it isn't enough. It's not just a challenge. It feels impossible.

Swing Away

Television is a one-eyed monster that will inevitably suck your brain out through your eyeballs. This has been my stance on the subject for quite a while now. I have a tendency to find most everything on television unworthy of my attention. We just don't watch much of it at my house, and that's just peachy with me.

Well, now I have apparently developed an unhealthy relationship with the crime channel, or whatever the heck it is. All those shows about deranged killers and psychopaths. You know the one.

It all started with severe cramps. I was dying on Monday and deemed it a sick day. I rolled out of bed around 10:30, got the heating pad, blanket, GINORMOUS glass of ice water, ibuprofen, one emergency loritab, my current book endeavor and headed for the futon. This would be my place of residence for the duration.

Reading was giving me a headache. So, I flipped on the TV. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Spongebob? No. Animal Planet. There you go. I watched some blue planet thing until a whale beached itself. I cried for the next 30 minutes and swore off Animal Planet.

I finally ended up watching some documentary type thing on this creepy Green River killer dude. Creepy. Unsettling. I want to change the channel, but I can't. It's riveting. Did he get caught? Is he EVER getting out? Who survived and how?

Show after show it's the same stuff. This guy murdered these people because of this. This group of morons got together and killed the whole neighborhood. There are too many evil people out there to comprehend, and you're basically a sitting duck.

Great! So, maybe via this strange interest I have developed, I'll avoid any demon spawn that may be in the vicinity. I don't know. What I do know is that my husband leaves the closet door cracked just a tad every morning, and when I step out of the shower it's the first thing I see.

I now have my Louisville Slugger hidden by the shower curtain.

With Wallpaper Like This...

Have a gander at that sexy wallpaper. Oh yeah. They don't just slap that up in any old nonprofit. Only the best of the best of the best, right? It makes me want to gag every morning. Along with the hunter green carpet.

Perhaps such lovely surroundings are the drive behind my need to make and surround myself in happy little things like this. I made this little guy a few months back. Although my gloriously fuzzy photography hinders you from recognizing this, it's an inscent burner.

There's nasty beadboard too. Not the nice, well balanced, obsessive compulsive beadboard. Eggshell cheapo beadboard! I try to hide it behind my paintings, and calendars and such, but resistance is futile. See?



Friends and fellow bloggers, today I ask you to observe your well maintained surroundings. The economy carpets, tiled floors and block walls. Then partake in a moment of silence, to consider those less fortunate than yourselves(I realize the blasphemy here and I'm just going to go with it).

Through some whacked out version of feng shui, I hope to survive such harsh surroundings. *sigh*

No Moles Were Harmed

Alright. I am now officially an Ari poser. The semi-thorough, not-so-damning evidence is as follows: Ari created and introduced me to her blog spot. I created a blog spot. She loves Johnny Depp. I love Johnny Depp. Although, being two months older, I technically loved him first.

Moving right along. She has a moleskine(sounds like mole skin), and ta da! I have my very own moleskine. It's absolutely marvelous!


I realize that, to the untrained eye, this appears to be just a tiny notebook. However, this little guy, or his relatives rather, have interesting pasts. Interesting pasts are defining, no? Therefore, following my logic here, it is not merely a notebook, but a moleskine.

These notebooks have been the trusty little sidekicks of European artists and smarty pantses for the past 200 years. Van Gogh, Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, you know the types. Nut jobs and great thinkers. Even Indiana Jones had one!^__^

They were designed to hold sketches, stories, notes, and ideas to be kept close by for alteration/inspiration. Besides, they're handmade and cute to boot. It's a little handheld blog, right? I love it!

Thanks for letting me thumb through yours, Ariana. I'll assure mine stays nice and neat by sharing some entries now and again. I've only just begun(isn't that a crappy 80's song?), but it's not nearly as intimidating as a large blank sketch book/journal.

Here are my only entries thus far...



Nothing painterly yet, I know. I'm conjuring up some ideas for a few new paintings. For now it's just some doodling/illustration of thought. I love my Klimt rip-offs. I was thinking about death, I couldn't help it!

Shoo-in (yep, that's how you spell it)

It might be safe to claim that I am slightly obsessed with films. Might be. It doesn't interfere with my daily life or anything. Just my Saturday nights.

Upon discovering interesting information about Johnny Depp in or out of(?)correlation to Tim Burton, I will do some research.

So, I read that(and this could be completely ridiculous)Johnny Depp is being considered for the next Batman movie. For what character, you plead? Who else! The Riddler. I salivate at the thought.

May I state, for the record, that I do not just admire and love this complete stranger because he's gorgeous. He is my favorite actor/artist. I think he's the epitome of an artist(actor, painter, etc.) He's lumped in my favorite male actor group with Sidney Portier, Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman and Tim Robins. Depp is obviously the looker of the bunch, but still worthy of sharing company with my other favorites.

Not that I have some can't-be-hot rule for my favorites. I'm just defending myself to you folks out there that might assume a female such as myself may be horribly hormonal and going on estrogen alone. Not so, I say.

Anyhow! Blah. Blah. Blah. Right?

That's not all. Then I read that Tim Burton has been working on a version of Alice in Wonderland! How perfect?! It only makes sense! I realize I'm far too excited about this! I mean, the guy IS the modern, obviously less creepy(as in not a child molester) Lewis Carol.

Alice in Wonderland is my favorite childhood movie(yes, the screwed up Disney version). I went through this phase with it when I was little. I had to watch it every day after school. I know like every word by heart. Yes, I was a neurotic child, but I was a happy. So, it was ok.

So, who's a shoo-in for the Mad Hatter! Oh, Johnny?! I am so excited to find out if this is actually true. It's supposedly coming out in 2010.

Obsessed? Quite.