What's Bliss?

I heard someone say "Ignorance is bliss" this morning, and it's had me thinking.

Remember when you were little, and had practically nothing to worry about? It wasn't necessarily that everything was just peachy in your world. At least, it wasn't for me. Things were far from perfect, and maybe I just didn't know any better, but all that seemed to matter was that my Mom and my dog were going to live forever. At least that's what I thought. The rest of the world could fall to pieces around us, but life was good.

I can remember coming home (to whichever state we lived in at the time) to all kinds of chaos. I mean...screaming, punching, busting glass, death threats, you name it. I got off the bus, and walked right into it.

When I was 6 years old I knew to check for nails behind our car tires. My Mom's boyfriend was so evil, he would know before he even started the fight that he needed to make sure we couldn't call for help, or get very far if we did manage to leave. So when my Mom said the word, I was on a mission. Check behind the tires, and make it to a neighbors house to call 911.

Needless to say, it was bad. It didn't happen all the time, but it happened. I saw enough black eyes and broken bones before I was nine to last me a life time. And still, I had that faith that it was all going to be okay. Maybe it was self defense, or denial. I don't know. I just always knew that it would be okay. My Mom said so.

Eventually the jerk boyfriend left and stayed gone, and we were happy. I was fourteen by the time that happened, and had developed a plethora of issues...but we survived. It was just me, my mom and my dog, and life was good.

I was subjected to a lot of things growing up...things that no child should ever have to see or experience, and I don't think I was ignorant of them. I knew what was happening.

I knew when I was sexually abused that it was wrong. I blocked it out for years, but now that I remember-I remember knowing it was wrong. I was just too little to know what to do. I knew that when Tom abused my mother it was wrong. I knew that my Dad wasn't around because he was an alcoholic, and I thought that was wrong.

I wasn't ignorant, and I don't believe ignorance is bliss. I think hope is.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." -Stephen King