Imagination

I've been thinking a lot about the things I imagined as a little kid. First off, look how cute I was.

This is a photo OF a photo that my mother refuses to part with long enough for me to scan it.

I loved that kitty. Her name was Inky, and took her everywhere with me. She was super sweet, and never scratched me, even though I often carried her around the house cradled inside of my gold sequined Cindy Lauper shirt. I would have scratched me, even if I was awesome.

It seems like most of my favorite memories are of being on the road with my mom. I adored being in the car together, listening to the Beatles. We were together, and her big oaf of a boyfriend wasn't there. It was perfect. We'd go spend the day on the beach, or just ride around together, singing.

When we weren't singing "Happiness Is a Warm Gun" at the top of our lungs, I would keep myself busy by pretending I had a nature man that had to run alongside of our car. He couldn't touch anything man made, or he would die. He was kind of like a gnome, I guess. He was small, dressed in all brown and green and had a bushy white beard. Thankfully, he could jump incredibly far, because there wasn't a lot of green in some places on I-65 in Kentucky and Indiana, and we did a lot of driving there.

When it rained, I imagined that the little water droplets on the windows were alive. My passenger side window was like a giant petri dish swimming with life. I made up little voices in my head for some of the squiggly drops, and they were very interesting.

I loved to play library in my room, too, which was pretty normal, I guess. I'd pretend my stuffed animals were customers, my piggy bank was for late fees, and I had a little pink piggy-faced stamp that I would stamp the inside of all my books with, like I was checking them in and out. Oh, and I'd eat smarties and pretend I had a headache from working.

Anyhow, I was just thinking about the strange little things I'd make up as a kid. I have a big sister. She's nine years older than me, though, so she was only interested in my extermination at the time. I guess I was sort of like an only child in a lot of ways, so I was pretty used to keeping myself entertained. 

What weird little things did you pretend when you were a munchkin?

Year End Survey

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? Went whitewater rafting and kayaking.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  I've never been one for new year's resolutions, but I did set the goal of illustrating a children's book in 2010. Turns out I made the deal to illustrate another person's children's book in 2010, and I'm illustrating it this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope, but they're all pregnant now. My sister, my best friend and her little sister. It's a conspiracy to make me want to have a baby, but it won't work.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit? None this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? The means to work from home. I want to make enough money via art to quit my day job. I don't wanna be rich. I just want to get by doing what I love.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The entire year has been pretty memorable. I made new friends, got reacquainted with old ones, and my husband and I went on lots of adventures.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? It's a toss up between making an illustration deal, and surviving going down a river in a boat by myself.

9. What was your biggest failure? I quit my current job for one that paid more. I thought I'd like it, but ended up freaking out, and quitting to come back to this one. I hate that it happened at all.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I have a weaselly immune system, so I get tonsillitis a lot, but I wouldn't call that illness. I also found out the panic attacks I've been having all my life aren't panic attacks at all, but a severely erratic heartbeat.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Kimchi Kitty's life. He was dying, but we were able to pay the vet to find out what was the matter, and save him. ♥

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mother in law.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My sister in law. Her decisions for herself make my heart hurt.

14. Where did most of your money go? Into having a home, and vehicles to drive to work.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing Andrew Bird and St. Vincent in concert.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2010? "Too Afraid to Love You" by The Black Keys, and "Friends" by Band of Skulls.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer? Happier! ^_^ Fatter. :( Richer-just not monetarily.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Changing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With friends and family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? I've been in love for the last 11 years. Wow.

22. What was your favorite TV program? True Blood. It's my dirty secret, and I often hide my eyes.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don't hate anyone. I just prefer not to think of some people.

24. What was the best book you read? A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Black Keys' new album.


26. What did you want and get? My kitchen remodel. 
 

27. What did you want and not get? All my debts paid, but we're working on it.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? True Grit.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 28 in 2010, and I can't remember what I did. I'm sure it was wonderful, though. My husband always does something sweet.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having such an awkward relationship with my dad, but I think it's getting better...

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Cute and comfy.

32. What kept you sane? God. My husband. Art. Music. In that order.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I pretty much always fancy... 

Johnny Depp...

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Russell Crowe...

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and Sam Worthington.

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 34. What political issue stirred you the most? I hate politics. Let's not talk about it, m'kay?

35. Who did you miss? My dad.

36. Who was the best new person you met? All my new friends are pretty amazing, if you ask me.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. The same lesson I learn everyday- God is love.


38. What do you want to happen in 2011? 2011 will be the year of paying off credit cards & such. The year of FREEDOM!

Thanks to the lovely Melanie for this survey.

Chobap

Hiya, folks! Fancy meeting you here, eh? I've been a bit swamped, and started avoiding some things. I didn't really mean to. It just sort of happened.

I've completed a couple projects, and feel a little less like I'm drowning, so I'm going to try to get back into posting now and again. I miss my old blog, and your comments.

Now, as I'm sure many of you have gathered, I'm a hopeless klutz. That being said, I drop my phone left and right, and pretty much any direction you can think of. I've accidentally thrown the poor thing (and I mean shot-putted) behind the bed, under my Jeep and in lots of other hard to reach places. My poor little DROID has seen the pavement more than a couple times, much to my chagrin. I don't know how I do it. It's a bit like there's an invisible force trying to keep us apart.

So...I searched the world over, and finally got a phone cozy worth coveting. I name everything, so I call her Chobap. If you're not familiar with the this pocket of yummy veggie friendly goodness, I suggest checking out that link. I was introduced to chobap in Korea, and fell in love. It's actually a Japanese dish, and I already have a real kitty named Kimchi, so I thought another Asian dish would be a good name for a kitty phone cozy. And she's a pocket! Yeah, I know. Just let me think I'm clever...

All the way from Japan to protect my trusty little phone.

made by Tokyo Inspired

How Do You Do & Shake Hands

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Are there any brave souls out there that have stuck around long enough to notice that I'm incredibly outgoing, but terribly insecure?

This is where I pretend a ton of you are nodding your heads, and I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Ahem. You know the type of person that will talk to a complete stranger, right? In line pretty much anywhere? Yeah, that type. Well, that's me. I'm all smiles, and great at striking up a conversation. I'm curious about people, and I love communication. Adore it, actually. However, immediately following any given spontaneous exchange I start dissecting the entire interaction, and doubting myself.

I start wondering if I made a funny face when I said that my grandmother was German, and forced me to eat cow tongue as a child. I begin hoping that the business man didn't notice me noticing the crusty stain on his tie. I end up feeling really bad about how I made the chick in front of me uncomfortable by telling her I loved her bra, because you could totally see it was polka-dotted...through her shirt. I have no filtering system, people. It's bad. Why in the world can't I just take my own advice and hush?!

Anyhow, I'm rambling. My point is that my outgoing/insecure personality flows right into my artwork. I'm all about creating. Another form of communication? Yes, please! I can't keep from making art. The problem is what happens after it's made. The audience comes in, and I start spazzing. It's exactly like an actual, physical conversation with someone. I start over-analyzing immediately. You'd think the Studio Art/Art History degree I worked my rear end off for would make me a tad more confident, but no.

Anybody out there with any handy dandy advice on building confidence, or how to communicate normally? I'm all ears eyes attentive and stuff.

Newfangled Contraptions

 

Do y'all know the legend of Paul Bunyan? Well, I had no idea, but today is Paul Bunyan Day!

I realize it may seem a bit odd to be excited about an American Folktale, but I can't help myself. I grew up with this story, and it's part of who I am. Did y'all ever watch the Disney cartoon? Well, you simply must! Even if you've seen it, watch it again.

Part 1

 

Part 2 

The things I read and watched as a child made such a huge impact on who I've become. It's amazing what we absorb, and how we weave it into ourselves, isn't it? Why, after watching this again, I realize that this Disney telling of Paul Bunyan & Babe is where I first heard of the Aurora Borealis, and probably why I've always wanted to see it.

It's things like this that remind me why I want to write and illustrate kids' books. I want desperately to help kids use their imaginations, to think, dream, learn how to express themselves creatively and just be happy. 

What stories have helped shape who you are?

Photo Foolery

I just have a ball messing with the filters on my Droid's little camera app. It's called FX Camera. I'm not sure if I've said the name of it before. A lovely lady I know was talking about the Hipstamatic (I think that's what it's called) app for her iPhone, and I went in search of the equivalent.

Yeah, so how insane do I look in that picture?! I love it. Helena Bonham Carter, eat your heart out. I could totally be the next Bellatrix LeStrange. I just need some grungy teeth, more extreme bed head and a corset. And maybe to look a little more maniacal.

Oh, and the application brings out different hues, which is awesome. This one makes my eyes look reeeeaaaaally creepy green. They're fairly creepy green anyhow, but not that bright.

Anyhow, free camera application. Check it.

Bwahahahaha!!!

Scottish Manliness

I love this song soooooo much.

 

Travis

What is it about Scottish men that gets to me?! It's not just the accent, is it? It can't be. It helps, but I like them before they even talk. Am I alone here?

Sean Connery

Ewan McGregor

Gerard Butler

All three of these men have made me a little swooney, at one point or another. 

I even met three people from Scotland on a business trip once, and I fell in love with them, too. Danny, Gary and Jacqui.

Jacqui was a cute little freckly blond with a scratchy sort of voice. She was a mother of three, and missing her teenage boys something fierce. Basically, she was the sweetest thing ever, and adorable to boot.

Danny was tall and hilarious, and every one called him Donny. It did sort of sound like Donny when he said it, but I was pretty sure I'd heard Gary call him Daniel. When we ended up in an elevator together, I asked him to clarify. He cracked up, told me it was sort of an inside joke at that point and asked me politely not to tell. Donny it was.

Then there was Gary. Dude was all kinds of attractive and masculine, and he smelled sort of like eucalyptus. What? I wasn't sniffing him. He just sat near me, and I had to breathe. Perfectly innocent. Well, he made the mistake of saying my name. More than once. Like a lot. With that accent. I seriously fought the urge to follow him around like a lost puppy for the remainder of the training. Anyhow, he explained to me all about heather, how it's not a weed, and that Scottish grooms wear it on their lapels to represent love and commitment. Sigh. Luckily, he was old enough to be my father and never once acknowledged the fact that I was a complete mess around him. So polite. It also helped that my adorable husband was waiting for me in the lobby everyday, so his Scottish manliness didn't have a lasting effect.

Sounds like I'm a horrible woman, but I'm not. He was Scottish, therefor I couldn't help it. I just don't know why I couldn't. Any theories?

Oh, The Excitement!

May I ask you a personal question? Nothing scary. It's harmless personal, just something that interests me.

What did you get excited about when you were little? I mean, really excited. I'm talking jump up and down, annoy the heck out of your parents, keep you awake at night with anticipation excited. Remember that level of enthusiasm?

little, curly headed me

 Little, curly headed me got really excited about quite a few things. I jumped up and down about puppies, drove my mother crazy about going swimming and couldn't sleep when my mom told her boyfriend to take a hike. I would get so excited about these things I'd get the hiccups.

I guess that last boyfriend one might need a little explaining, if you're new around here. My mom's boyfriend was not always a nice man, and he needed to leave. Each and every time she threw him out, I believed he was gone for good and it would just be my mom and I. I'd get so excited that I couldn't even sleep. I just knew we were going to spend every day playing games, coloring, letting the dogs in the house, singing songs, cleaning and listening to music together and life would be grand. He finally left for good when I was fourteen. Good things come to those who wait, right?

Anyhow, I'm blathering about all this because I tapped back into that next level excitement yesterday. I came across a link that I simply must share. It's called Art House Co-op, and it's uh-mazing. There are so many rich and gorgeous things to find there, I-I-I just can't contain myself. I've even signed up for a project and am all kinds of stoked. Squee!

What did you get insanely excited about as a little person, and what do you get excited about now? I want examples, people. ^_^

Fastidious Prime

Guess who's lying next to me right now. I'll give you some hints. He's not so tall, but he is dark and handsome. He also happens to be incredibly brave and strong, pretty close to that ever alluring Byronic hero. And he purrs.

That's right! Kimchi Kitty!!!

He's a little drugged up still, so he's kind of wobbly. His surgery went well, and the vet found some weird unidentifiable plug-like object wedged in his little kitty intestines. I'm not so sure what the thing is yet, but I'm bringing it home after Kimchi's follow-up on Monday. I'm pretty sure I know someone who might recognize this wee culprit.

It sounds like the work of my husband, the mechanic. 

 Looking particularly menacing on Cinco de Mayo. :P

He's a computer technician actually, but he can do everything. The only downside to my multitasking man? He leaves little bits of his multi-purposed life all over the place-for my kitty to munch!

Have I mentioned my obsessive compulsive tendencies lately? Even if we didn't have a feline that eats anything that might possibly resemble a bug, clutter drives me insane. I don't have much to complain about, I know. I mean, being cluttery isn't the worst character flaw. Being murdery is the worst, but being cluttery is easily second.

I come home and seriously ponder gathering all the little washers, screws, zip ties, rubber gaskets, L.E.D. bulbs, fuses and pocket lint, and using them to concoct a weapon of mass organization. This is an every day thing, people. I mean, I've had time to plot. I'd call my creation Fastidious Prime (What? I love Transformers.). His first mission? To force untidy husbands into submission. *evil laughs persist*

Anyhow, I'm pretty sure that Mr. T will be a little less likely to leave things lying around now. Kimchi is pitiful. He's got a shaved belly, and two large incisions. He's all sleepy/stumbly, and has a bandage around his right arm. It's not a leg. Two arms. Two legs. Don't argue with me. It's not worth it.

My two main concerns at this point, besides keeping things tidy, are making sure my bleary kitty eats and doesn't contract an infection. It's another bout at the vet, if either of those two things are problems. I've got stinky soft cat mush, and antibiotics. Wish me luck Pray.

P to the S
If we go to the vet Monday and find out the wee object is something of mine, I'll die. I'm not missing anything, but who knows what the cat ate, really? It sounds like something ugly, and I don't own ugly things. It must be Todd's fault, right?

Future's So Bright...

Here we have photo documentation of the joyous occasion that was meeting Shannon and Megan. Strolling around the very charming streets of downtown Asheville, NC we snapped a shot or two, talked about all manner of things and my husband (Mr. T for Todd) and I decided we needed to take them home with us. Alas, they have lives and bright futures of their own, so we can't steal them. Le sigh.

How many of us twenty-somethings posted about community in our swappy little guest posts (however briefly due to sleep deprivation) this past week? We're all talking about community in the blogosphere all the time, aren't we? I guest posted about that very thing, but I wasn't really feeling it.

You see, it's really easy for me to feel like I'm only here for others. I get so wrapped up in keeping up with everyone else, commenting, and being supportive and caring, that I just let blogging become a one-sided thing. I become drained, disconnected and discouraged, and totally forget what communication is all about.

I've been desperately in need of a refresher, and this wonderful little trip of ours has done just that. Meeting the two aforementioned lovely ladies has reminded me what blogging is all about. It's about people taking time to peek into one another's lives, you know, in that invited/non-creepy way. It's about communication and being human, and it's awesome.

"The Time Has Come," The Walrus Said,

The Walrus and the Carpenter finagling the Oysters, as illustrated by John Tenniel.*

"To talk of many things." Not shoes, ships or sealing wax, but things I've avoided long enough.

Do you ever get the feeling that the entire world handles life better than you, and it would just seem incredibly abnormal to admit that you're having issues? I know we all have stress, and I'm not the only one to be affected by it, but still. When it's happening, it kind of seems like the rest of the world can't possibly be that well medicated, and that I must be one of the few faulty models that desperately needs to be recalled.

When I was eleven I started having episodes where my heart would feel like it was going to beat out of my chest. Sometimes it would happen when I was running around playing, other times it would happen when I was lying down. It didn't really seem to matter what I was doing, my heart would just spaz the heck out. On several occasions I told my mother, and once I even went to a gym teacher. Both trusted adults felt my heart, and responded by having me go lie down. Sound advice, no? So that's how I dealt with it...for the next 16 years.

In my teens it seemed to happen less, but still regularly. It became more frequent after I started college, and having learned about panic attacks, I self-diagnosed. I assumed my racing/pounding heart was just a stress related thingamawhatsit, and I got used to it. I'd scramble to find a secluded place to lie down until it passed, and try stealthily to go unnoticed.

Deep down, I think I felt responsible for my stressful past. Why else would I feel embarrassed for being emotionally, verbally and sexually abused, or witnessing my mom withstand verbal and physical abuse? There are a lot of terrible things that I always tried to hide, and I can see no other logical explanation. I was ashamed. I'm not anymore.

I have no reason to cover up the things that plagued my childhood, the fact that I was sexually abused for a span of about five years, the mean things my mom's boyfriend would yell at her, or the lies he'd whisper under his breath to me about my dad, how it terrified me when we'd try to leave and he'd chase us in his truck, how scared I was when he'd hit my mom, yank her around and throw things at her, how I'd hide under my bed with my dog, crying and praying for him to drop dead. I can talk about how every Easter, I'm reminded of waking up to him in my closet, slicing up my Easter dress, (I still don't know why he did that.), or how old rotary phones remind me of him crawling under the house to cut the phone lines before coming in to start an argument.

Everyday there's something to remind me, and there isn't a single reason on God's great green Earth for me to feel ashamed. None of it was my fault. I didn't choose any of that for myself, and it's a huge factor in the equation that is ME. I'm balancing out quite nicely, thank you very much, and am incredibly thankful.

As an intelligent adult, I realize what a wonder it is that I'm functional at all, and I'm blessed that things weren't worse than they were, that I learned from others' mistakes and that I have a happy marriage and healthy relationships. Still, no matter how much I vent, no matter how tightly I wrench that positive twist into it, I have nightmares, an occasional racing heart, constant reminders of a less than pleasant past and huge people-pleasing issues. I don't know if I'll ever get those monsters stomped out, but I know telling people where they hide makes them less likely to rear their ugly heads.

Alllllllll that being said, I took my fluttery, spastic heart to the doctor's office with me a few weeks ago. I shared what it was doing, and how long it'd been doing it and the next thing I knew I was getting a very frigid, very gooey echocardiogram and wearing a heart monitor. Turns out, there's nothing structurally wrong with the old ticker, no blockages or anything like that. I have an arrhythmia that allows my heart to be, well, bipolar. It goes from beating 70 beats per minute to beating 130 times a minute when I'm sleeping. It jumps up even higher when I get stressed during waking hours.

Needless to say, that's not good for me, so I'm on a medication to keep that rate steady. It seems to be working, and I'm feeling pretty good! I do hate taking meds, though. This is the only one I'm on, but I still hope to battle this arrhythmia with super human good health, so I can stop taking it.

Aaaaand speaking of good healthy things to do, venting is a must. I suppose I don't really need to tell a bunch of bloggers that, but maybe I do. It's been a while since I've talked about my past here on the old blog, or anywhere. It takes a lot of energy, and I often times feel like a big downer, but it turns out that it's something I need to let out now and again. Maybe you should, too.

I don't know what "many things" you might be hiding away, but I can pretty much promise you that it's a good idea to let it out. Don't let it fester and rot. Tell someone. Talk to God, tell a friend, or call your mom. Me? I plaster my depressing slop all over the interwebs. Well, not all over, just here. Point being, it's nothing to be ashamed of and you don't have to hide it.

*image credit

Ganked

The lovely Shannon from Tattoos & Cupcakes ganked this from Tia, and I just couldn't help myself. I know I said I'd be blathering about medical things soon, but I'm a bit of an escapist, and even though things are fine, I'm not ready to talk about them yet. Therefor I am so happy to come across this little meme.

Outside my window... there is a sky full of stars, and a backyard full of sleepy chickens.

I am thinking... that I should've kept up with how many times I sneezed today. I probably broke a record or something.

I am thankful for... trials. No, really. I am. They really teach me to be thankful. Without trials and scares, I would take a lot of things for granted, things I always want to appreciate, like my health and the people I love.

I am wearing... a really old night gown, like, from 13 years ago. It's baby blue with doggies on it, and is now far too short to wear when we have company.

I am remembering... John 14:27- Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

I am creating... character sketches for the children's story I plan to complete this year, waterdoodles for my etsy shop, a portrait of a friend's munchkin and a great deal of stress for myself, as usual.

I am going... to sleep. I've got to start getting more sleep, and being on time for things.

I am reading... The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. A dear friend of mine really wants me to, so we can discuss it, but I'm having a hard time getting into it.

I am hoping... that I feel better soon. This respiratory/sinus infection is making me feel like a snotty beast. :(

On my mind... I've been worrying about my mom and dad's health a lot lately.

From the kitchen... feathers are always flying, no matter how much I sweep. I pull up a chair for Kimchi Kitty to belong, whilst Mr. T and I prepare a healthtastic meal.

One of my favorite things... is to create things that make people happy. I love it. It makes me feel useful, important.

Noticing that... I am more confident in myself than I've ever been before. I haven't been as hard on myself, and I'm beginning to really be happy with me. (I stole this one from Shannon, and I'm so glad we can both say/type this.)

Okay, taking a minute on that last one. Seriously? This is huge deal, bloggers. Being able to say I'm more confident is one thing, but being able to post this cheesy picture of myself with bed head, lip stain and smudged eyeliner is another entirely. I'm not going to pick it apart and tear myself down. I don't have to thwart anything unpleasant someone might have to say about me. I'm just me, and gosh darn it, I like myself. (Please get that reference.)

Pondering these words... "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I Don't Roll On Shabbos

As most of you folks already know (Isn't it adorable how I assume there's a plethora of you avid Mimsy subscribers?) , I'm a Christian that observes Saturday as a day of rest. It's called Sabbath. I've blathered about it before here, if you're in the least bit interested/confused/concerned.

I've run into a number of people that initially assumed that I was Jewish, because of the whole sabbath deal. Some of my dear friends like to tease, usually making reference to The Big Lebowski, calling me Walter and talking about not rolling on the shabbos. Cracks me up. I do love John Goodman, even as a foul-mouthed post traumatic stress disorder sufferer. Seriously, I know cursing is something a lot of people do, but oh my goodness, do the Coen brothers like to pack it into a movie.

Anyhow, it looks like I'm starting a little tradition here on the old blog called I Don't Roll On Shabbos. It'll be a little bit o' Saturday loveliness, some music, photos, etc. Last week it was the incredibly poetic Sufjan Stevens, and this week...



Ben Harper. The man could sing about liposuction and it would bring a tear to your eye, but his spirituals truly are beautiful. Enjoy!

Beautimus

I love Sufjan Stevens. Do you love Sufjan Stevens? Yes, of course you do. And I love his version of "Come Thou Fount". Love it. You can love it, too! It's not a very impressive video, but it's all I had time to find. Enjoy.



P.S. Be expecting an update on the gloriousness that is Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. Going tonight with a variety of wondermous people. Squee!

Bippidy Boppidy Boo

We all have things that hold magic for us, don't we? Things that make our hearts go pitter pat, and send our imaginations reeling? You know what I'm talking about, right? I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and wondering why certain things bring me inexplicable joy, so I made a small list.

You knew I'd make a list. How could I not?!

Magical Type Things

Bubbles*

This is one of my favorite photos, taken by one of my favorite photographers. You should check out her blog, Curious Illusion.

Lightning Bugs

I googled and found this image here.

Snow
I googled and found this image here, by W. Child

RainbowsFogI googled and found the rainbow & fog images here, where I also found some interesting posts. I'll definitely be checking this one out.

Somewhere during my pondering of these magical-type thingamabobs**, I realized some things. No amount of knowledge and understanding can take away their enchantment. The things that fascinated me as a child are still the things that inspire me today, and I want to share those things. I want to shout them from the roof tops! I believe that they're all careful complex creations of a powerful, loving God and that just makes them all the more exciting to me.

Every time I get all worked up about writing a blog post, a children's book, painting a portrait or even singing a song at church it's because there's something I feel an uncontrollable urge to communicate. I need someone else to understand what that thing, my burden or inspiration, means to me. I want everyone to understand, to be able to relate or join in on the celebration.

Maybe it's in search of belonging? Perhaps I just feel the need to have validation, to know others aren't missing out? I'm not sure. All I know is that there's something magical about that fascination, inspiration and communication.

What say you, bloggers? Do you believe in magic?

*I thought just plain old soap bubbles were magical, but feast your eyes upon these. Oh, and Wiki's definition of a soap bubble makes me happy. I agree 100%.
**I left out love, in order to spare the brave men that venture here the girliest post they've ever been subjected to in their lives. You're welcome, gentlemen.

Brainectomy

There are times when I'd like to perform brainectomies on people. There. I said it. Sometimes they just have too entertaining of ideas. I want them for my own. My Precious.* Their ideas. Not their brains. But the idea being in the brain makes me think if I possessed their brains...yeah. Gonna stop with this train of thought now. Since performing unnecessary, creepy and unauthorized surgery on people's heads is frowned upon in most societies, I usually just ask permission to use said idea.

Today's example? Jay. He makes charts and takes polls on really important stuff that everyone needs to know. Everyone. And his post yesterday was concerning something I've adored for a long time. Lists. Some of you remember my attempt at List Lust Wednesdays, right? Did you know yesterday was National List Day?! Did you also know that I'm terminally late? Anyhow, his list was way better than any list I've ever had the pleasure of coming up with, so I'm borrowing some of his list categories. He said I could. ^_^

Brainectomy thwarted again.

Things that make me smile in a sad sort of way:

• Grandpa type men getting attention from pretty young girls
  
• My paycheck
  
• Little kids with glasses (Harry Potteresque)
  
• Childhood photos
  
• Little hoppy birds
  

Things that are impossible to do in a sexy manner:

• Snorkeling
  
• Clipping your toenails
  
• Blowing your nose
  
• Changing a diaper
  
• Yawning

Things that bother me when not done well:

• Spelling (Everyone makes mistakes, but lifetime misspellers wound my soul.)
  
• Movie remakes (Clash of The Titans, don't let me down.)
  
• Song covers (If it ain't broke, don't break it!)
  
• Whistling (If you can't carry a tune, don't do it! Sing. That's at least pitiful cute.)
• Handshakes (This one is Jay's and I'm keeping it. I loathe noodly handshakes.)

Things that bring me unending joy:

• Making up my own words
• Putting my forehead to Kimchi Kitty's when he's purring like it's going out of style
• Puppies and baby goats (What are they called? Kids?)
  
• Making things for people that make them happy
• Creating
  

*What?! I'm not ashamed. Well, I kinda am.

Confessions

Every now and again, it just feels good to get some things off your chest, so your heart can beat freely. They might not look like much to someone else, but these things plague me.

-I tell people what they want to hear, because I feel responsible for their happiness.

-When my Dad wasn't around, all I wanted was for him to be in my life.

-Now that my Dad is in my life, I hate when he calls drunk. It hurts so much to know how depressed he is, but I can't fix him. I can't.

-I don't want to have children. Ever. I really don't think I'm going to change my mind, and I hate how people make me feel like there's something wrong with me because of that.

-My husband used to say he never wanted kids, but every now and again he talks like he's changed his mind. I'm afraid he'll be disappointed if I don't change my mind.

-I catch people at work and church glancing at my black finger nails. It kind of makes me feel like a rebel, and I think that's ridiculous.

-I hate that I feel attached to my maiden name. I double barreled mainly because I couldn't bear to let my father's name go, though I tell people it's for other reasons.

-I have never once really felt pretty. Ever.

Inspired by the oh, so lovely Jamie. Thanks, lady. I feel better now.

List Lust XI: Know What I'm Simply Mad About?

Hello Bloggy McBloggersons! For those of you who remember List Lust from waaaaay back when, you'll notice it's pretty much been abandoned. For any new readers (Hear that?! I have a few more faithful few! Squee!), you are about to witness the redemption of one of my deepest obsessive compulsive loves: Lists!

Today's list will pick back up where I left off, and teach you/remind you of a few possibly quirky/unimportant things about me.

List Lust XI: Know What I'm Simply Mad About?

1. Puppies & Puppy Breath (Bull Terriers are my favorite!)

2. Mr. Snuffleupagus & Those Big Soulful Eyes

3. Tall Frosty Glasses of Raspberry Lemonade

4. Almost Every Part Johnny Depp Has Played,

Along With His Sense of Style & Ridiculous Good Looks

5. Kermit, For All The Same Reasons As #4 :P

6. That I Can Get Away With Being Simply Mad About Two Muppets Without Blog Persecution.

7. Tim Burton's Brain (I figured a picture of Burton himself would suffice.)

8. Being Married To My Adorable Husband

9. Gustav Klimt's Artwork (This is my favorite of his pieces-Musique.)

10. God/Love (They're one and the same, in my opinion.)

Guess that's all for now. Better save some for another list. What are you simply mad about?

"Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying"

As much as I'd like to believe that I have all you glorious blogging friends o' mine holding your breathe for my next post, I'm glad that I realize how silly that is. For one, you'd all have kicked the bucket by now. :O For another, this oh so dark and shiny unmusical* blog just isn't that important. I mean, it's an important creative/communicative outlet for me, but in the scheme of things? It's one more thing I put pressure on myself over, and then avoid.

So, as part of an effort to stop stressing myself out over every single thing, I'm trying to be a little less neurotic about blogging/reading blogs. Being prescribed a low dose anxiety medication has made it quite evident to me that I put a lot of unnecessary stress on myself. ^_^

That being said, I'd like to make a few things clear. I like reading your blogs, and comments. They make me happy. But I want all of us to remember that if life gets in the way, that's a good thing! If we're too busy to read blogs, we shouldn't worry about offending someone. We're just busy living!

I realize all of this is for me (and my fellow worriers) and maybe not for you. So, feel free to giggle and roll your eyes at my neurosis ( I do), and skip on down to the fun little bit of listy goodness I ganked from Ari.

Outside my window…
A mass of fluffy white feathers that are hard to decipher into separate silkie chickens.

I am thinking…
That I need to finish sewing the camera cozy I'm making my mother-in-law, that sabbath is such a sweet bout of sanity in the midst of an always chaotic week, and I like Snow Leopard.

From the kitchen…
I hear bird seed bouncing across the linoleum, and smell hazelnut creme oil burning on the kitchen table.

I am wearing…
Less than I should be. Hey, I'm home sick on a Saturday. Don't judge me.

I am creating…
Water-colored ink drawings that I've deemed "water doodles" to sell on my Etsy shop, a green scarf that I've been "creating" for over half a year now, and a wealth of hand sewn goodies for people I love.

I am going…
To a friend's place tonight, if this cough doesn't completely destroy my voice. I hope Todd will come with me.

I am reading…
The last Twilight book. I should finish it tonight! I've been trying to take it easy. Todd gets a little lonely when I devour 700 page books in a day or two.

I am hearing…
A tall black man singing "My Jesus, I Love Thee" accompanied by piano, and thunder.

Around the house…
Grass, bugs, chickens, dogs and an occasional neighbor person.

One of my favorite things…
Clean pajamas fresh out of the dryer or puppy breath. It's a toss up. I like the combination.

A few plans for the rest of the week…
Complete some of my artsy/craftsy projects, spend time with Jessica and her munchkins, finish Twilight and Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Azkaban, enjoy Sunday with Todd and sift through a wealth of stuff to be set aside for our upcoming yard sale.

*I read one too many tweets concerning people's annoyance at blogs with music players. :(

I Have A Confession To Make...

Well, I have a few confessions to make.

Confession 1: For those of you that don't know me very well, I have a tendency to avoid/ignore/hate most of what is wildly popular. Music. Books. Movies. If everyone is talking about it I am more likely to gag, roll my eyes and walk away than to take a liking to it. I'm not really certain why I'm this way, and I don't really think it's a problem. It's just how I am.

It's even come in handy a time or two. I had the same reaction when most of my high school friends were drinking and smoking pot. Gag. Eye roll. Thanks, but no thanks. Which is a good thing because a) I think those things are repulsive, b) I have a terribly addictive personality and c) my father is an alcoholic, and I'm not into the whole hereditary bad choices thing.

So, on with the confessions.

Confession 2: I've had "issues" with this whole Twilight thing. Every single time I've heard some chick swoon over Edward, or refer to herself as Bella...well, let's just say that I was less than enthusiastic. I hated everything I'd heard about it, and it sickened me that these frightening vampirey beasties weren't renowned for their hard core passions, heightened instincts or anything creepy/Byronic, but rather for their shimmery complexion and vegetarianism?! Not okay!

Confession 3: My sister forced the first book on me this last Christmas, and it's been sitting on my bookshelf ever since. Untouched. Except to be dusted.

Confession 4: On an incredibly sick day last week I decided to give it a try. I ended up reading the entire thing within 24 hours! I was completely blindsided by the quirky/flirty dialogue that just doesn't quit, and I couldn't put it down. Except to be sick with whatever food poisoning/virus was attempting to claim my life that day.

So, to my pleasant surprise the vampires weren't teen angsty, sparkly pansies after all! Some of them are nice round characters with such depth and...okay, angst. Not teen angst, though. Great, tormented, Byronic hero angst! My favorite!

Confession 5: I'm ashamed of myself for being nearly as obsessed as all those girls that made me want to smack them. All those Bella wannabes? That still makes me want to gag. No offense to anyone. I'm just an anti-giddy kind of girl. I like Bella as a character and all. Love her thought/dialogue. I just don't yearn to be her or anything. Which I think is a sign of good mental health.

Confession 6: I don't find this Robert Pattinson fellow a good fit for Edward. Maybe I'll feel differently if I break down and see the movies, but I don't know. Besides, he's all clean shaven for his vampire debut, and that's no fun. He's such an adorable fuzzy man. See?

There. I feel better now. So, I am currently reading the Twilight Series, the Harry Potter Series (again with the popular culture avoidance), along with my daily devotion.

My poor brain.