27

(The wonders of a little free time at work...and hilighters.)

My birthday is on the twenty-seventh. Of June. I'll be twenty-seven on the twenty-seventh of June this year and, though I feel that this is some sort of doom's day event, I'm feeling pretty good about being a year older. Well, pretty good about my life. Not necessarily being older.

It may sound awful to some of you happy shiny people out there, but every year that goes by I find that I'm comparing myself to my mother.

When she was 16 she had run away from home, dropped out of school, gotten married and had my sister.

I was painting in my room, rocking out to The Beatles, The Doors, The Wallflowers, Metallica and thinking about my future.

At 25 she'd been divorced, remarried to my father for eight years, and welcomed me into the world...on June 27th, 1982.

I was finished with college, married about 4 years, adopting every stray animal that crossed my path, painting, rocking out to The Beatles, The Doors, The Avett Brothers, Andrew Bird and thinking about my future.

I don't know what it is exactly that makes me want to compare my life to hers, or why I feel good about my life in contrast to hers. Don't get me wrong, my Mom has made some seriously detrimental decisions, but she also rocks. She's 4 foot 11.5 inches and all Trouble. Take notice of the capitalization, or else.

She's been through a lot. Married for almost a decade to a raging alcoholic. Put up with an abusive boyfriend for the next thirteen years. Raised two daughters. And then went back to school when I was nine, and got her nursing degree.

Now she has a good job, a house that's paid for, and a very mild mannered fiance. So, I certainly don't wish she'd changed too much, or else my sister and I wouldn't have the luxury of griping about her now and again. ^_^

Still, I find myself unintentionally comparing our lives. I suppose it's because for years she was the only person I really felt like I knew. We moved so often. I'd make friends. We'd move. I'd make friends. We'd move. My Dad wasn't around. My Mom was all I had. So, I guess it makes sense.

Anyhow, my birthday is Saturday. Yay! ^_^

Oh, and Ben. We had a failure to communicate. Probably my fault, as most all miscommunications are. The newf shares a birthday with my best friend's little sister. MY birthday, and Helen Keller's, is June 27th. Sorry to revoke his "newf"ound birthday prestige.

Summer Vacation

It's time, my friends. Everyone's talking about it. North Carolina. Italy. Gulf Shores. Florida. Left and right people are taking summer vacations. Some of them are trekking into the forests and mountains for various purposes. Others have gone in search of large bodies of water in which to immerse themselves. Whoever. Wherever. They're escaping and loving life, and I'm happy for them. I really am.

I just hope I can make it until the end of July. Todd and I will be stuffing the Jeep full, and heading to Michigan to visit two of our very best friends(I fought the urge to type BFF's). Now, this may not be the forest/mountain range/beach that one thinks of for "vacation", but it's as good a place as any.

It'll be a nice, familiar(for me) road trip with a pleasant, jobless, friend-filled destination. Todd's never been North of Kentucky! So, I get the pleasure of watching him enjoy the sites. My home state-good old Indiana! Rolling hills and sky forever. Then Berrien Springs, Michigan. And believe me you, at some point, I and my attractive new bathing suit WILL be in Lake Michigan. Maybe. I hope. We'll see. Not so big on large bodies of water that aren't the ocean.

Upon our return we'll have a stowaway. My soul mate's youngest sister (who just turned 14 today! Happy Birthday Kayla!) will have been visiting the great state of Michigan for a whole month, when we make our trip. So, she'll be taking the ride back with us, which makes it even more fun! I love that kid. She's just about the most awesome little individual I know.

So, mini vacation the end of July. Yay! Until then, I'd appreciate if you could all keep the spectacular holiday/forest/mountain range/beach talk to a minimum.

Thank you. ^_^

Painting Shenanigans

I have been working on this painting for so long now that I'm not sure if I can ever let it go. It's become a permanent fixture to my home and vehicle! I carry it around with me...always thinking, "I'll finish it tonight/in the morning/during lunch", or "All I need is one more 2-3 hour session".

While watercolor is one of my favorite mediums, there are moments when I just know I'm going to lose it. Like massive coronary lose it. If I have to do ONE MORE COAT of that dark purply* brown, that I'm not quite sure which blue I used to concoct, it won't be good!!

Well, this was in the beginning. I refer to this stage as Matthyclops.


And this is now. More of a Cerberus/dog of the underworld type look, right? Yeah. That'll go away when I finish filling in that right side, and darken that eye there. He's definitely not a puppy with much of a dark side. ^_^

So...it may not look like I've done a whole heck of a lot, but believe me you, I have! Bit by bit, he is coming along. I've given myself a solid deadline now, and Ari will have her painting when she gets back from vacation.

I'll keep you posted!

*I know "purply" isn't really a word, but you know what I mean.

I Like Bread & Butter

I've been feeling a bit stretched lately. Pulled. Smeared. Pressed. What does Bilbo say? Like butter scraped over too much bread. Well, whatever he said...that's generally my state of existence as of late.

So, I've been thinking about all these things that I'm getting myself all worked up over. Trying to plan how to finish this or that. Hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. An end to the current chaos and stressfulness. I was making a list in my head. We all know how I fell about lists. It was a "The Day Will Come" list.

The day will come when:

- I catch up on all your wonderful posts.

- I'll finish the 5 paintings, and gazillion other projects I have going all at once.

- I don't go somewhere every single night of the week.

- I get enough sleep.

- I stop worrying about all my friends and family.

That's how it was going. That is, until I realized in making this list I was wishing my life away. Wanting the chaos to stop is essentially wanting rest. Rest is sleep. Sleep is death. I'll sleep when I'm dead. I always say that. So, I realized I like living a good bit, and until I'm ready to kick the bucket, I'm going to work on changing my outlook on things. I'm going to focus on being grateful.

So, here's my new list. The "Until Then" list.

Until Then:

- I have the luxury of my freedom, a home and even a computer.

- I'm blessed to be able to express myself via the plastic arts, and to find great joy in doing so.

- I can offer something of myself to others every night of the week, whether it be painting a mural in a nursery, or just spending quality time.

- I have a bed to sleep in, with a warm husband (and kitty) to curl up next to.

- I have friends and family to worry about.

That's a start.

Peace At Last.

Hello me lovelies! All apologies for neglecting you so, as of late. What can I say? Life has a way of getting out of hand now and again.

Within the last 2 weeks I:

-attained a new job!

-gave notice to my current employer.

-started the new job!

-resigned from the new job.

-reacquired the old job!

-came down with exudative tonsillitis.

-neglected all creative outlets.

-survived way too much stress.

Amidst all those ups and downs, there were a couple of nights that I let the unknown get the best of me. Quitting one job before having confirmed another is not exactly my cup of tea, but it was something I felt I had to do. So, I did it. Then I freaked out accordingly.

I managed to single handedly destroy my immune system via stress. Thus causing my tonsils to make an attempt on my life. >_<

Worry does NO GOOD. None. Remember that.

So, I am currently very thankful to be updating the old blog here. Even if it does mean germing up the laptop. I have a long weekend to relax, overcome my tonsils, and let everything sink in.

God willing, things are back to how they belong.

Deep Breath. Chin Up.

It is far too late to be posting, but I've got too much to blather about to sleep, or hold it in anymore.

I've got a new job. Great right? Riiiight.

New is good. More money is good. Change? Change is bad. Well, maybe not bad, but certainly not my friend. At least not at the moment.

I am a creature of habit. I know this. The thought of leaving my current coworkers kills me. It feels like there's a great big old hippopotamus sitting on my chest. My heart is heavy, and I can hardly breath.

I just wasn't prepared. I mean, I went to an interview, got turned down. 'Nough said. As soon as the answer was no, I went right on my merry way, back into my routine, thankful that I wouldn't have to change. Then, out of the blue I get a call.

An opportunity has presented itself?! One week's notice?! Umm...well...uh...can I call you back?! Ugh.

So, new job starts on Tuesday. It'll take some getting used to I'm sure, but I think I'll like it. The husband person and I can carpool. I'll not be worried about my little nonprofit closing down on me. Well, I'll worry about them, but not whether I'll be without a paycheck or not anymore.

I'm still going to volunteer to teach art at the shelter, and to transport runaway and homeless youth. So, I'll be helping people. I just worry it won't be enough.

I feel so bad for leaving them. I'll miss them SO much. My heart aches, but I feel as if this job is an answer to prayer. I mean, I ask for The Man with The Plan to help my doddering little self along. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. So, I figure I'll follow someone who does.

Sometimes He surprises me is all.

Deep breath. Chin up.

Another One Bites The Dust \m/ (>_<) \m/

How long has it been since you got sucked into this Land o' Blogging? Hmm?

Was it to blather about life in general? Perhaps to tame the need to write? Maybe to support a cause, or maintain sanity? Whatever the reasoning behind it, I'm glad you did.

Communication/expression are such important things to me. To all of us, right? I mean, who doesn't enjoy reading those comments? (If you're the freak that doesn't, keep your bitter little opinion to yourself. ^_^)

I love relating to strangers. Driving home the fact that we are all the same, no matter how drastically different. I especially enjoy reading the rantings of other artists. It silently thrills my soul.

Well, another one has bit the dust, bloggers. A dear friend, and amazing artist. His name is Mark Blevins, and you'd be missing out if you didn't stop by now and again to see what he's up to. So, here. Go now. Go! http://drinksonmars.blogspot.com/

Deep Healing Breaths

So, my blog has lacked a little "pep" as of late. Despite this bloggy hiatus, I've been having an all around happy crappy time. Whenever I think about posting, I decide to spare you all the whining and wallowing, but no more. I've decided to embrace the waist-deep mire I'm inhabiting.

I won't bother back tracking. Let's just start with today...

It's raining. Again. Rain is good and all. Plants love it.

I. AM. NOT. A. PLANT. I miss the sun. I blew a kiss to it when I saw it yesterday. Sigh.

Making the descent into my office via the back parking lot is a dangerous excursion. The steps are old, rickety and (Bon Jovi would be proud) slippery when wet. Yeah. I busted it.

How about a list of outcomes?!

-My khaki skirt now has a big soggy brown spot in the general area of my bum.
-My knee scraped up against the door. :(
-At least two of my toes are broken, for sure(ow-eee).
-My lunch is now muddy.
-I'm cold.
-I hate everything.

So, here's to embracing. What glorious and wonderful things have happened to y'all lately? Care to share? C'mon. Let's wallow.

It helps me to remember that no matter how rotten it gets, I have things to be thankful for. The book of Job always helps me through. It's pitiful, but inspiring.

God is good. He really is. I know, especially in times like these, He is my biggest supporter and friend. So, we're pretty tight at the moment, and that's alright by me. ^_^

Here's The Deal

I was totally going to show my blog some love today, but due to circumstances beyond my control, I have no love to give. It seems as though I am in a bit of a melancholy rut, and have nothing nice to say.

So, in short, I am forcing myself to be a wee bit positive. Of all the things that suck right now, I can say that I'm thankful for a whole heck of a lot. Nothing is really all that bad. God is good. He takes care of me. Seriously.

On that note, I am going to bed.

Icky Blah Hmph

This day has been out to get me. I have put up a good fight, but am now throwing in the towel.

I need sunshine and fresh air to thrive. What do I get? Rain, rain and more rain. So much rain, in fact, that my office flooded. Again.

I have spent the majority of this day wrestling a shop vac to remedy soggy/soured carpet, entertaining my boss' 10 month old son (which was the highlight), and battling a head ache.

My will has been broken. My little light has gone out.

I'll try again tomorrow. Perhaps the sun will too.

List Lust X

Click on this image to visit these lovely little bits of goodness at their home w/Berdene!

I'm going to come right out and face facts here, people. I've not been the most reliable with this whole consecutive Wednesday List Lustiness thing. Heck! I haven't been so reliable at reading/posting regularly, either.

It seems as though I'm not the only one who's been experiencing blog block. A few of you lovely people have just not had the time or material, and you know what? That's okay. I'm pretty sure it just means that life has been asserting itself, which is kind of a good thing. Wouldn't you say?

So, in honor of my lack of stick-to-itiveness/time, I give you a list of quotes that make me feel better about being me. Instability and all.

1. To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. -Emily Dickinson

2. One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. - A. A. Milne

3. The things we fear most in organization - fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances - are the primary sources of creativity. - Margaret J. Wheatley

4. The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. - C. S. Lewis

5. Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity. - Edwin Land

That last one makes me feel like I spend at least a portion of the time God has given me ceasing to be a moron, which is a nice thought. ^_^