Paranoia Paranoia

Let's see a show of hands on this. Who's afraid electronic devices may be slowly poisoning them with low grade radiation? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I realize I can be a bit paranoid at times. I mean, I always worry. Like, a lot. As a child I was afraid Big Bird was secretly evil, and going to hurt the other muppets. He's a six foot canary, people. Don't you find that just a little bit creepy? Anyhow, I worry about these things.

What about our extended exposure to cell phones? Hm? I've only had one...since I was 17! That's ten years! And my best friend's littlest sister keeps her cell phone in the back pocket of her jeans/under her pillow/glued to her face 24/7. She's fourteen. This is to be expected, but how about what we don't expect? I'm thinking she's going to suffer severe butt rot some day, or something equally as unexpected/tragic. She'll be walking down the hall at school, and *plop* her left butt cheek will hit the floor. What then, I ask you?

And what about wireless? This is a new development in my home. Convenient? Yes. Neat blinky lights on top of my book case? Neato! The paranoia of impending brain tumors? Not so great. My cat will be the first to go, I just know it. He's home all day with that thing! It has to have some sort of long term effect. He already pukes all the time. What if it's not just a sensitive tummy?

Mark my words, bloggers. Butts are going to be falling off left and right. And what's worse? Our house pets, and stay at home Mom's/Dad's, are going to be the ones to pay most dearly.

I don't even want to think about it. Dudes, get that cell phone off your hips. Girls, don't keep it between your legs while driving. Kayla, I'm telling you...BUTT ROT. Get it out of your back pocket NOW. And, Kimchi, stay out of the living room.

Butt Rot Survivor Sporting New Innovative
Cell Phone Radiation Protective Carrying Case
(No, I'm not serious.)