I Have A Confession To Make...

Well, I have a few confessions to make.

Confession 1: For those of you that don't know me very well, I have a tendency to avoid/ignore/hate most of what is wildly popular. Music. Books. Movies. If everyone is talking about it I am more likely to gag, roll my eyes and walk away than to take a liking to it. I'm not really certain why I'm this way, and I don't really think it's a problem. It's just how I am.

It's even come in handy a time or two. I had the same reaction when most of my high school friends were drinking and smoking pot. Gag. Eye roll. Thanks, but no thanks. Which is a good thing because a) I think those things are repulsive, b) I have a terribly addictive personality and c) my father is an alcoholic, and I'm not into the whole hereditary bad choices thing.

So, on with the confessions.

Confession 2: I've had "issues" with this whole Twilight thing. Every single time I've heard some chick swoon over Edward, or refer to herself as Bella...well, let's just say that I was less than enthusiastic. I hated everything I'd heard about it, and it sickened me that these frightening vampirey beasties weren't renowned for their hard core passions, heightened instincts or anything creepy/Byronic, but rather for their shimmery complexion and vegetarianism?! Not okay!

Confession 3: My sister forced the first book on me this last Christmas, and it's been sitting on my bookshelf ever since. Untouched. Except to be dusted.

Confession 4: On an incredibly sick day last week I decided to give it a try. I ended up reading the entire thing within 24 hours! I was completely blindsided by the quirky/flirty dialogue that just doesn't quit, and I couldn't put it down. Except to be sick with whatever food poisoning/virus was attempting to claim my life that day.

So, to my pleasant surprise the vampires weren't teen angsty, sparkly pansies after all! Some of them are nice round characters with such depth and...okay, angst. Not teen angst, though. Great, tormented, Byronic hero angst! My favorite!

Confession 5: I'm ashamed of myself for being nearly as obsessed as all those girls that made me want to smack them. All those Bella wannabes? That still makes me want to gag. No offense to anyone. I'm just an anti-giddy kind of girl. I like Bella as a character and all. Love her thought/dialogue. I just don't yearn to be her or anything. Which I think is a sign of good mental health.

Confession 6: I don't find this Robert Pattinson fellow a good fit for Edward. Maybe I'll feel differently if I break down and see the movies, but I don't know. Besides, he's all clean shaven for his vampire debut, and that's no fun. He's such an adorable fuzzy man. See?

There. I feel better now. So, I am currently reading the Twilight Series, the Harry Potter Series (again with the popular culture avoidance), along with my daily devotion.

My poor brain.

We're All Mad Here

I am completely aware of the fact that I've already posted about Tim Burton's upcoming twist on Alice In Wonderland, but now there's a trailer! Therefore, I'm just going to have to do it again. I saw the trailer, and...well...I'm stoked. I can NOT wait until March of 2010, but I suppose I must.

Have a look-see! Oh, I apologize for not being savvy enough to figure out why the right side of this trailer is chopped off. If it bugs you, just click on the video and watch it on Youtube.

Okay. Now...have a look-see.

Alright. You may now anticipate how awesome this will be.

I'm simply mad about it.

The Prestige

Alright folks. How the heck are ya?! I dropped off the planet (out of the state rather) for a while, but now I've returned and think it's time for a comeback.

Had a great time in Michigan and Indiana. We spent some much needed time away from work, with friends, family and at the beach. Any of you blessed enough to have already seen the documentation of such on Facebook, I hereby apologize for any photos of me in swimwear. I can assure you all pictures were taken against my will, and I am seeking retribution.

Where were we? Oh yes. I left you last with a shuffle of obviously unpopular music. :P You're all very sweet for commenting, even if you didn't know the music. I tend to listen to a pretty wide range of musical goodness. So, can't say's I blame you for not recognizing too much.

So, without further adieu, here are the song titles and artists that you all need to be familiarizing yourselves with.

1. You Know My Name by The Beatles

2. Who'll Stop The Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival

3. Her Majesty by The Beatles

4. Change by Muse

5. The Places We Lived by Backyard Tire Fire

6. The Blues by Switchfoot

7. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

8. Colonial Boy by Devin Townsend

9. Joseph Campbell by Warm In The Wake

10. Jack & The Water Buffalo by Head of Femur

11. Say "Hey" ( I love you) by Michael Frantee and Spearhead

12. My Dear Country by Norah Jones

13. What's This by Danny Elfman

14. Miracle Sun by Anthony Green

15. The Smell of Pajamas by Animal Collective

16. You're A Wolf by Sea Wolf

17. Polly by Nirvana

18. We Are Real by Silver Jews

19. By The Way by Red Hot Chili Peppers

20. Five Fleas by Rasputina

Bonus: Young Pilgrims by The Shins

Oh! None other than the lovely Ari will be receiving a bit of handmade goodness for getting the most right answers.

I like this giving away prizes thing. I'll have to come up with ways to do it more often. Maybe once I get more on MadShiny (my Etsy shop) I can give things away monthly!

Shuffle

My dear Ariana ganked this last week, and now it's my turn. Here's how it works.

Step 1: Put your iPod/MP3 player/whatever glorious musical device you've got on random.

Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.

Step 3: Let folks guess what song and artist the lines come from.

Step 4: Post the song info after they've had their chance.

Step 5: Give them some incentive.

Okay. I hereby state that googling or researching in any form or fashion is cheating, and will be met with swift and certain death. ^_^ Oh, and whoever guesses first/the most will get a prize. Some handmade goodness to cuddle or gift.

1. You know my name.

2. Long as I remember the rain been coming down.

3. Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl, but she doesn't have a lot to say.

4. I watched you change into a fly.

5. Cuttin' through the corn field, I've got my row picked out.

6. Is this the new year, or just another night?

7. Load up on guns. Bring your friends.

8. If you ever need a friend in me...

9. My new clay sculpture was taken home by an art vulture whose soul had been sold.

10. Oh...20 shades of green.

11. Hey. How's it going today?

12. Twas Halloween and the ghosts were out...

13. What's this?!

14. Where do you go when it gets dark, and is there room for me there?

15. Are you waiting for me at the end of the airport?

16. I'm walking down the southern stream...

17. Polly wants a cracker.

18. Up the hill past 694 at the stone wall make a left.

19. This is my time. This is my tale.

20. Five fleas band together against all odds to form a new company.

Bonus: A cold and wet November dawn, and there are no barking sparrows.

Okay bloggers, get to it! I've got a bit of handmade goodness to send the winner! ^_^

Oh, and I made a new owlie (not your bit of handmade goodness) with a 3-dimensional beak.
Not sure what I think of it. A little too Frosty the Snowman carrot nose-ish? What say you?

Through and Through

Upon rereading that last post, I think I should mention how much I thank God for protecting me through all those horrible things.

Sometimes thinking about all of it, or talking about it gets to be too much. I kind of overload and shut down. Then I remember three stories that put things into perspective, and remind me that I'm not alone and never have been.

I remember that God saved Noah through the flood, the three Hebrew children through the fiery furnace, and Daniel through the lion's den.

He didn't save them from these things. He saved them through them.

What's Bliss?

I heard someone say "Ignorance is bliss" this morning, and it's had me thinking.

Remember when you were little, and had practically nothing to worry about? It wasn't necessarily that everything was just peachy in your world. At least, it wasn't for me. Things were far from perfect, and maybe I just didn't know any better, but all that seemed to matter was that my Mom and my dog were going to live forever. At least that's what I thought. The rest of the world could fall to pieces around us, but life was good.

I can remember coming home (to whichever state we lived in at the time) to all kinds of chaos. I mean...screaming, punching, busting glass, death threats, you name it. I got off the bus, and walked right into it.

When I was 6 years old I knew to check for nails behind our car tires. My Mom's boyfriend was so evil, he would know before he even started the fight that he needed to make sure we couldn't call for help, or get very far if we did manage to leave. So when my Mom said the word, I was on a mission. Check behind the tires, and make it to a neighbors house to call 911.

Needless to say, it was bad. It didn't happen all the time, but it happened. I saw enough black eyes and broken bones before I was nine to last me a life time. And still, I had that faith that it was all going to be okay. Maybe it was self defense, or denial. I don't know. I just always knew that it would be okay. My Mom said so.

Eventually the jerk boyfriend left and stayed gone, and we were happy. I was fourteen by the time that happened, and had developed a plethora of issues...but we survived. It was just me, my mom and my dog, and life was good.

I was subjected to a lot of things growing up...things that no child should ever have to see or experience, and I don't think I was ignorant of them. I knew what was happening.

I knew when I was sexually abused that it was wrong. I blocked it out for years, but now that I remember-I remember knowing it was wrong. I was just too little to know what to do. I knew that when Tom abused my mother it was wrong. I knew that my Dad wasn't around because he was an alcoholic, and I thought that was wrong.

I wasn't ignorant, and I don't believe ignorance is bliss. I think hope is.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." -Stephen King

I Me Mine

Posting has become somewhat of an abstract concept to me as of late. I love to write. I love ANY form of communication. I love feedback. So, blogging is SO my thing. I just haven't had the time.

I know I've been saying that forever. I think maybe this oh, so dark and shiny musical blog o' mine may just exist to help me realize my time management issues. Maybe. I seriously have problems with jumping head first into 5 things at once, and deadlines? Yeah. College almost killed me because of my aversion to deadlines.

Anyhow...Ari posted a nice little meme a while back, and I thought I'd pass it along. It's a refreshing little exercise. You should do it too.


. . . I can't . . .
-remember the last thing I said to my Grandma before she died, and that really bothers me.
-manage time very well.
-understand prejudice.


. . . I can . . .
-create from now until doom's day, and still have more ideas.
-make just about any situation seem brighter.
-pop the bone in my nose, and it's really loud and gross.


. . . I won't . . .
-be treated like a cog.
-make another pbj sandwich as long as I live.
-let the past ruin my future.


. . . I will . . .
-be a children's book author/illustrator.
-one day have things for sale in my Etsy Shop.
-be happy.


. . . I shouldn't . . .
-worry sooo much.
-be late all the time.
-be so hard on myself.


. . . I should . . .
-stop telling everyone yes all the time.
-paint more for me.
-let God handle things more often.

Your turn.

27

(The wonders of a little free time at work...and hilighters.)

My birthday is on the twenty-seventh. Of June. I'll be twenty-seven on the twenty-seventh of June this year and, though I feel that this is some sort of doom's day event, I'm feeling pretty good about being a year older. Well, pretty good about my life. Not necessarily being older.

It may sound awful to some of you happy shiny people out there, but every year that goes by I find that I'm comparing myself to my mother.

When she was 16 she had run away from home, dropped out of school, gotten married and had my sister.

I was painting in my room, rocking out to The Beatles, The Doors, The Wallflowers, Metallica and thinking about my future.

At 25 she'd been divorced, remarried to my father for eight years, and welcomed me into the world...on June 27th, 1982.

I was finished with college, married about 4 years, adopting every stray animal that crossed my path, painting, rocking out to The Beatles, The Doors, The Avett Brothers, Andrew Bird and thinking about my future.

I don't know what it is exactly that makes me want to compare my life to hers, or why I feel good about my life in contrast to hers. Don't get me wrong, my Mom has made some seriously detrimental decisions, but she also rocks. She's 4 foot 11.5 inches and all Trouble. Take notice of the capitalization, or else.

She's been through a lot. Married for almost a decade to a raging alcoholic. Put up with an abusive boyfriend for the next thirteen years. Raised two daughters. And then went back to school when I was nine, and got her nursing degree.

Now she has a good job, a house that's paid for, and a very mild mannered fiance. So, I certainly don't wish she'd changed too much, or else my sister and I wouldn't have the luxury of griping about her now and again. ^_^

Still, I find myself unintentionally comparing our lives. I suppose it's because for years she was the only person I really felt like I knew. We moved so often. I'd make friends. We'd move. I'd make friends. We'd move. My Dad wasn't around. My Mom was all I had. So, I guess it makes sense.

Anyhow, my birthday is Saturday. Yay! ^_^

Oh, and Ben. We had a failure to communicate. Probably my fault, as most all miscommunications are. The newf shares a birthday with my best friend's little sister. MY birthday, and Helen Keller's, is June 27th. Sorry to revoke his "newf"ound birthday prestige.

Summer Vacation

It's time, my friends. Everyone's talking about it. North Carolina. Italy. Gulf Shores. Florida. Left and right people are taking summer vacations. Some of them are trekking into the forests and mountains for various purposes. Others have gone in search of large bodies of water in which to immerse themselves. Whoever. Wherever. They're escaping and loving life, and I'm happy for them. I really am.

I just hope I can make it until the end of July. Todd and I will be stuffing the Jeep full, and heading to Michigan to visit two of our very best friends(I fought the urge to type BFF's). Now, this may not be the forest/mountain range/beach that one thinks of for "vacation", but it's as good a place as any.

It'll be a nice, familiar(for me) road trip with a pleasant, jobless, friend-filled destination. Todd's never been North of Kentucky! So, I get the pleasure of watching him enjoy the sites. My home state-good old Indiana! Rolling hills and sky forever. Then Berrien Springs, Michigan. And believe me you, at some point, I and my attractive new bathing suit WILL be in Lake Michigan. Maybe. I hope. We'll see. Not so big on large bodies of water that aren't the ocean.

Upon our return we'll have a stowaway. My soul mate's youngest sister (who just turned 14 today! Happy Birthday Kayla!) will have been visiting the great state of Michigan for a whole month, when we make our trip. So, she'll be taking the ride back with us, which makes it even more fun! I love that kid. She's just about the most awesome little individual I know.

So, mini vacation the end of July. Yay! Until then, I'd appreciate if you could all keep the spectacular holiday/forest/mountain range/beach talk to a minimum.

Thank you. ^_^

Painting Shenanigans

I have been working on this painting for so long now that I'm not sure if I can ever let it go. It's become a permanent fixture to my home and vehicle! I carry it around with me...always thinking, "I'll finish it tonight/in the morning/during lunch", or "All I need is one more 2-3 hour session".

While watercolor is one of my favorite mediums, there are moments when I just know I'm going to lose it. Like massive coronary lose it. If I have to do ONE MORE COAT of that dark purply* brown, that I'm not quite sure which blue I used to concoct, it won't be good!!

Well, this was in the beginning. I refer to this stage as Matthyclops.


And this is now. More of a Cerberus/dog of the underworld type look, right? Yeah. That'll go away when I finish filling in that right side, and darken that eye there. He's definitely not a puppy with much of a dark side. ^_^

So...it may not look like I've done a whole heck of a lot, but believe me you, I have! Bit by bit, he is coming along. I've given myself a solid deadline now, and Ari will have her painting when she gets back from vacation.

I'll keep you posted!

*I know "purply" isn't really a word, but you know what I mean.

I Like Bread & Butter

I've been feeling a bit stretched lately. Pulled. Smeared. Pressed. What does Bilbo say? Like butter scraped over too much bread. Well, whatever he said...that's generally my state of existence as of late.

So, I've been thinking about all these things that I'm getting myself all worked up over. Trying to plan how to finish this or that. Hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. An end to the current chaos and stressfulness. I was making a list in my head. We all know how I fell about lists. It was a "The Day Will Come" list.

The day will come when:

- I catch up on all your wonderful posts.

- I'll finish the 5 paintings, and gazillion other projects I have going all at once.

- I don't go somewhere every single night of the week.

- I get enough sleep.

- I stop worrying about all my friends and family.

That's how it was going. That is, until I realized in making this list I was wishing my life away. Wanting the chaos to stop is essentially wanting rest. Rest is sleep. Sleep is death. I'll sleep when I'm dead. I always say that. So, I realized I like living a good bit, and until I'm ready to kick the bucket, I'm going to work on changing my outlook on things. I'm going to focus on being grateful.

So, here's my new list. The "Until Then" list.

Until Then:

- I have the luxury of my freedom, a home and even a computer.

- I'm blessed to be able to express myself via the plastic arts, and to find great joy in doing so.

- I can offer something of myself to others every night of the week, whether it be painting a mural in a nursery, or just spending quality time.

- I have a bed to sleep in, with a warm husband (and kitty) to curl up next to.

- I have friends and family to worry about.

That's a start.