Loathed Expectations

Would you believe I've never made a New Year's resolution? Ever?

I've had goals before, but none of this proclaiming them on New Year's Eve type stuff. It's just not my style. I'm not really sure why, exactly.

Oh, wait. Sure I do. I loathe expectations.

That's right. LOATHE. So much more effective than just disliking, don't you think? I believe that comes from an unwillingness to live with disappointment. And by that, I mean disappointing others. Can't. Handle. It.

It's really awful, too. I really can't stand to know someone is disappointed in me, so I never want to agree to do something for someone, because then I know they're going to expect it. What if I fail?!

This is usually art related, so I take the "what if my arms fall off, like that lady in that story that slept all funky, smooshing her fingers all night, and the lack of blood made them turn black and fall off?!" route. It's not good.

Well, maybe I embellished a little bit, but you get the gist of what goes through my head. Some unforeseen event will stop me from fulfilling my end of the bargain, and disappointment will inevitably be my fate.

And it gets worse! On top of all that mental instability are the tiny people pleaser and the tiny rebel that live inside of me. The tiny people pleaser yearns to keep everyone placated by shouting, "Sure!" to absolutely everything, while the disgruntled rebel refuses to be bridled by expectations and sounds a little something like this: "You want me to do what? Ohhhh, okaaaaay! Hang on just a sec while I go do THE EXACT OPPOSITE!" It's really worse than not good.

Now that you're all quite certain that I'm battling with schizophrenia, I would like to announce that the husband person and I have decided to make New Year's Resolutions this year! O.0

I've been blabbing all about this children's book I want to write & illustrate, right? Well, 2010 is as good a year as any, wouldn't you say? I would. So, that's my New Year's resolution. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl, and I'm going to do it. I want to help shape kid's imaginations, make them feel important/ like they belong, and this is how I'm going to do it.

Todd, whom I now enjoy referring to as Mr. T, would simply like to beat me arm wrestling (he's really never beat me), and lift the Christmas tree with one hand (read: without collapsing with a hernia). He actually said he wants to get in shape, and be healthier, but I like the funny version better. Don't you? I'm so mean.

So...what are your pesky resolutions?

All Things Yellow

I'm currently on a mission to redeem things that I loathe for no apparent reason. It's all part of my "Save Your Negativity For A Deserving Cause" campaign. I started it yesterday. ^_^ If I can't specify why I hate something, I'm going to make a list of reasons to like it.

Today I shall be redeeming the color Yellow. It's always made me gag a little, but I don't know why.

So, without further adieu...6 reasons (can't think of 10) to like, or things that I like that are the color yellow:

1. Rubber Ducks

2. A lot of baby ducks/chicks

3. Some cheeses

4. Fire

5. Fuzzy Bumbles

6. Butterscotch Candy. Mmm.

That's all I can muster. Oh! Mustard! I don't like mustard, though. What pleasant yellow things can you think of?

Peace At Last.

Hello me lovelies! All apologies for neglecting you so, as of late. What can I say? Life has a way of getting out of hand now and again.

Within the last 2 weeks I:

-attained a new job!

-gave notice to my current employer.

-started the new job!

-resigned from the new job.

-reacquired the old job!

-came down with exudative tonsillitis.

-neglected all creative outlets.

-survived way too much stress.

Amidst all those ups and downs, there were a couple of nights that I let the unknown get the best of me. Quitting one job before having confirmed another is not exactly my cup of tea, but it was something I felt I had to do. So, I did it. Then I freaked out accordingly.

I managed to single handedly destroy my immune system via stress. Thus causing my tonsils to make an attempt on my life. >_<

Worry does NO GOOD. None. Remember that.

So, I am currently very thankful to be updating the old blog here. Even if it does mean germing up the laptop. I have a long weekend to relax, overcome my tonsils, and let everything sink in.

God willing, things are back to how they belong.

Deep Healing Breaths

So, my blog has lacked a little "pep" as of late. Despite this bloggy hiatus, I've been having an all around happy crappy time. Whenever I think about posting, I decide to spare you all the whining and wallowing, but no more. I've decided to embrace the waist-deep mire I'm inhabiting.

I won't bother back tracking. Let's just start with today...

It's raining. Again. Rain is good and all. Plants love it.

I. AM. NOT. A. PLANT. I miss the sun. I blew a kiss to it when I saw it yesterday. Sigh.

Making the descent into my office via the back parking lot is a dangerous excursion. The steps are old, rickety and (Bon Jovi would be proud) slippery when wet. Yeah. I busted it.

How about a list of outcomes?!

-My khaki skirt now has a big soggy brown spot in the general area of my bum.
-My knee scraped up against the door. :(
-At least two of my toes are broken, for sure(ow-eee).
-My lunch is now muddy.
-I'm cold.
-I hate everything.

So, here's to embracing. What glorious and wonderful things have happened to y'all lately? Care to share? C'mon. Let's wallow.

It helps me to remember that no matter how rotten it gets, I have things to be thankful for. The book of Job always helps me through. It's pitiful, but inspiring.

God is good. He really is. I know, especially in times like these, He is my biggest supporter and friend. So, we're pretty tight at the moment, and that's alright by me. ^_^

Just Enough Time For Shenanigans

I haven't had much time to blather these past few days. What with the wedding and friends down from Michigan and all. It's been grand, but exhausting.

I haven't much time to blather now either, but I hope to write a full fledged post later. For now, I'm just letting all you wonderful folks know that this is not another bloggy hiatus, and I will triumph(My comma usage has always been, how should I put it, questionable, to say the least. Forgive me, please.)!

What did I have time for this week? To stickerfy a couple of my office items...

Say hello Mr. Cup Holder...

and Mr. Electric Stapler.

They make me so happy! ^_^

(Okay. How unintelligent would it make someone appear if they just recently observed the COMPOSE tab in their blog composing area?! Noob!!)

Such A Noob

I have had many an unintellectual moment in my 26 years, but not many of them have mortified me. Most of the time I can laugh things off. I'm totally capable of admitting that I made a mistake and moving on, but sometimes the sting of error lingers. Oh, how it lingers.

On Sunday Todd and I ventured to Ari's house for a little shindig. A little football. Some house warming and the like.

On the way there I decided to call a friend of mine. He was thinking of attending this wee and glorious event, but sounded a little tentative the night before. So, my plan was to give him a nudge out the door.

I picked up my phone, went to my contacts, found his name and dialed. Once the voice on the other end picked up I knew what I had done...I called his ex! Auugh!!

My mind went blank as her sweet voice repeated it's greeting. Finally, I mustered an "I'm sorry. Wrong number.", but she wasn't having it. She questioned me!

See, we live in Alabama. This ex lives in another state. An entirely different state than the one she had lived in when living with this friend o' mine. So, she thought it a bit fishy that an Alabama number, with the same area code as her ex mind you, would be calling her by mistake. She asked if I was sure that I had the wrong number, cause it was weird that I'd be calling her from Alabama.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but I pressed on. I stuck with my "Wrong number. So sorry!" bit, until she said my name. Weep. Sob. Sigh.

Seriously?! We're on the phone for 15 seconds, and this chick that I've never met or spoken to before in my life just managed to blow my stupid friend cover?! Only me!

At that point I just said "Hi". I admitted that: I hadn't deleted her number, it was really awkward, I was trying to call him, and I was terribly sorry to have bothered her. I was mortified.

Here's this poor girl, trying to get over this relationship gone awry, and I call her! This was not a nice break-up. Not nice at all. I thought surely she would have a few choice words for me, but she was sweet as pie. Like we were just catching up.

We talked for a few minutes. She said she would really like to meet me someday, and that she was glad I called. Then she offered me the correct number, which I declined, since I had it already!!!

Only me.

So, I've come to the conclusion that she has coped quite well, and is pretty much right as rain. My friend, on the other hand, curses the state in which she lives.

I still haven't deleted her number.